Welcome back me

Hello me...meet the real me.
And my misfits way of life.
A dark black past is my Most valued possession.

One of the things that I promised myself was to become the woman I was a couple of years ago. The pounds have been shedding off and people have been noticing. I recently cut my hair slightly below my shoulders. I'm back to straightening it almost on a daily basis.

Yesterday was a very important day. I finally found my violet colored contact lenses.

I'm closer than ever to getting all my pieces together

Dark times arrise

Divided. I feel that's the way we are right now. Confussed. Not knowing what's right nor what's wrong. Heartbroken. Waking up to the cruel reality we live in.

I want to be very certain of my surroundings. Yet I don't have anything solid to hold on to. I can't believe I'm holding on to an ideal, a dream and a handful of promises. I wonder if those promises are true or were they simply lies.

It had been a while since I had last felt like this. Missing you so bad. Where every single inch of me screams your name and begs for your presence. I wish I could answer to their pleas, but I know you have important things to attend to.

That was the main risk I took. Fortunately I understand that the most important thing right now for you is your carreer. I know I'm not a priority. I wish I was.

Will I ever have a chance?

I miss you every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

Look-a-likes

Ok, I must admit. I'll never be like Gothica nor Stitch like Stitchie; but hey, we have style.

The Twilight Zone of Sizes

I don't remember going through this when I was younger. Back when I was in Jr. High, I remember when I got my first pair of jeans. Lee size 16. In High School, I was determined to make the size smaller. I went from 14 in sophmore year, battling the freshmen 15; 13 in junior and finally 11 in senior.

I gained weight. A lot actually. I would eat what my exboyfriend would eat. I ate to comfort myself during our breakup. I went back to size 16. I would drop a couple of pounds now and then, but never go back to my High School clothes.

Last summer, I was at my sister's house. They took me shopping. God bless my sisters, they do the dirty work and I only have to go in and out of the fitting room. There's when it hit me. Size 18W. That's a politically correct way to say size 20.

I was 25 and size 20. I was at my fattest. I came back home determined to become what I was 10 years ago. I had plenty of excuses not to start a formal wieght loss plan. Work gave me no time to excercise nor to have a decent meal.

My pride got hurt when a friend's mom suggested I should actually lose weight. After the Christmas festivities I promised I would be at least size 14 for my birthday. My 27th birthday. Lex and I were looking at her birthday pics when we sat down and decided to finally do it.

Today, Lex is a size 12/13 and I have entered that mysterious world of odd numbered sizes. Yes, size 16 is too big and size 14 is a bit snug . . . size 15 is just right.

And its only September.