Friday, September 29, 2006

Beauty's pricetag

It hasn't been easy to become what I was a couple of years ago. Today was a clear example.

I've been wearing an orthopedic corset to help improve my posture for a few months now. It helps that it keeps my tummy tucked. I usually get adjustments every two weeks or so. Today was the only day I could get away and get it fixed.

I walked to the little place where I bought it. I applied the cream and lotion before wearing it. Then the moment of truth came. Time to put it back on after an inch had been reduced. With 3 people, myself included, it was finally closed.

Of course I look lovely, but I can barely breathe! It's pretty expensive to become myself again, but I'm worth it.

Now if I can only get you to see me.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Change


Change is something feared by many. You have to modify conducts and leave behind things that you were used to doing. Change is like death, its one thing thats guaranted.

Over the years I've tried to change the aspects of myself that I don't like and make an effort to become a better person. I'm not sure if I've done well, but I believe I've tried hard.

I've evolved into a cold but caring creature. I'm more patient now. I'm a bit more tolerant. I look at the grayscale, instead of black and white. I've let the beautiful nerdy girl that hides underneth me to emerge. I've given myself permision to make mistakes. I let myself fall deeply in love.

I just hope my love allows himself to fail.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Happy birthday bro!

Today is my brother Ian's 26th birthday. He hates birthdays and blogs, so he'll never know I wrote about him. He can't eat cake because he's allergic to flour and chocolate would make him hyper.

Ian has been my best friend for 11 years now. I met him in high school the moment I found out I had failed Spanish 1. He lent me his calculator .

He have a lot of things in common. I guess we had more when we were younger. We've eventually grown up, just a little bit.

He's the perfect friend and him knowing me so well makes him my bro. He's the only guy that I wouldn't be emotionally attached to, but that can tell me my mistakes on the spot. He's seen my laugh, cry, fail and succed.

Thanks for always being there bro.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

I miss you

I woke up in the middle of the night yesterday. The first thing that came to my head was your name. I never really thought I could miss someone that bad.

I miss being able to snuggle up next to you and simply stay there as long as I want.
I miss holding you.
I miss opening my eyes and you being the first thing I see.
I miss listening to your voice.
I miss thinking up options of things for us to do.
I miss the way you coax me into doing what you want.
I miss the way you hold me.
I miss the way you would rant about your terrible day and then say its ok now.
I miss kissing you.
I miss the secret looks and smiles.

Most of all, I miss my best friend.

To you I dedicate today's rain.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

At long last


The sky is just a gigantic blue Sapphire stone into which the earth is embedded – this belief was cherished in ancient times. And, in fact, does there exist a better image to describe the beauty of an immaculate Sapphire of purest blue? This gemstone exists in all the shades of blue skies, from the deep blue of evening skies to the bright and deep blue of a clear and beautiful summer sky which charms all people. The splendid gemstone, however, also comes in many other colours, not only in the transparent greyish misty blue of far horizons, but also displaying the bright fireworks of sunset colours – yellow, pink, orange and purple. So Sapphires are really and truly heavenly stones, although they are being found in the hard soil of our so-called "blue planet”.

Blue is Sapphire’s main colour. Blue is also the favourite colour of about 50 per cent of the population, men and women alike. This colour, which is strongly associated with sapphire, is also linked to emotions such as sympathy and harmony, friendship and loyalty. These emotions belong to features which are permanent and reliable – emotions where overwhelming and fiery passion is not the main element, but rather composure, mutual understanding and unshakeable trust. Sapphire blue has thus become a colour related to anything permanent and reliable, and this is one of the reasons why women in many countries settle on Sapphire for their engagement rings. Sapphire symbolises loyalty and faithfulness, while at the same time expressing love and yearning. The most famous musical example for this melancholic shade of blue can be found in George Gershwin’s "Rhapsody in Blue". Sapphire’s blue colour is also evoked where clear competence and controlled brainwork are the issue. After all, the first computer ever to wrangle a victory from a chess grandmaster and world champion was named "Deep Blue".

The sapphire is also September's birthstone. My mother's birthstone or my new nonbirthstone. When I was about a week old, my mother bought a beautiful sapphire ring. It is embedded between 2 leaves made of gold.

I've loved that ring since long as I remember. Unfortunately for me, it was too small. Last year, mother gave me my greatgrandmother's ring. It's so rare, we aren't even sure what stone it is. One jewler said it was a violet diamond. I cherish that ring, because of what it represents. My heritage, my pride, my family.

This year, on my nonbirthday my mom said she wanted to give me something. She opened an old ring box. There it was, the blueberry ring pop. The ring I loved stealing from mom when I was a teen to wear to important events. Then she said it : "Get it made to your size, it's yours".

Perhaps its a bit of hope and a signal that things come for those who wait.