June

In January I thought 2006 would be a great year. I turned 26 years old. The prime of my youth.

I guess I was wrong. The year began with me being abandonded by my boyfriend. That same month my beloved pet fish Cleo died. In February, Beker, my gray tabby cat also died. In March, Arturo and I started fighting. In April, my mentor Iliana announced that she would leave the company and I was put on action plan. When May came along, my "friends" decided it was best to hang out without me. And then came June.

June began with the end of my leadership program. That same day, Iliana and Jerry left the company. My friendship with Arturo came to a definite end. He's acting like he doesn't know me and I'm not interested in asking for reasons. Ian continues to keep secrets from me. I simply don't trust him anymore. On Wednesday, I found out Manuel , Iliana's husband, was also leaving the company. Lots of people are leaving the company. You can smell the insecurity in every hallway and office.

The icing on the cake is my emotional state. My exboyfriend called me last night. I'm confused. I don't know what's going on. But I've cried all month.

I simply hope July is much better.

Losing you

I've continued to think about those past events. I must confess, I enjoy the time I spend with you. Want to know a deep dark secret. I wish I could have you for myself. That's just wishful thinking. One of those crazy fantasies that will never come true.

I've never been the kind of girl that goes with the romantic ideal of following your heart, yet I trust my intuition. I was looking back and I've come to realize that I have nothing to lose. Except you. Throughout the years I've had best friends that are guys. Some because we became romantically involved, the others because of different other things.

When I was in Jr. High, Daniel was my best friend. We hugged, we seldom kissed, but we were always together and talking on the phone. Some girl decided to tell him stuff about me and he fell for it. I lost him.

During High School, David was my best friend. It was something like a power couple. He was talented, smart, charming. After he started dating his girl, things changed. Now he doesn't even want to acknowledge my existance. I lost him too.

At the end of High School, Joey was one of my closest friends. Sweet, huggable, adorable. We were together for 3 years and a half. The break up was bad. I lost him. I'm trying to reestablish a friendship bond there.

There is also Alejandro. Sociable, flirtatious, partner in crime. He thought I was in love with him and we got into a huge fight. We haven't spoken in 4 years. I also lost him.

The most recent case is Arturo. He's a strange blend between David and Joey. Different factors have made the relationship decay. Even though there was a time when we would do everything together. Perhaps he was just using me. We haven't spoken in a month.

Bottom line is, I might be destined to lose you. Out of the 5 mentioned above, I only expressed my feelings with one. The rest never knew what I felt for them. I sometimes regret that. I didn't even try it and at the end I still lost them.

With you I want it to be different. I might not even lose you; but if I do, it better be worth it.

Crookshanks

In Prisioner of Azkaban, Hermione buys herself a pet. She didn't buy an owl like Hedwig, a rat like Scabbers nor a toad like Trevor. She bought herself a cat in Diagon Alley out of sympathy that no one wanted him because of his squashed face. He has ginger fur, yellow eyes, a bottle brush tail, and squat, bandy legs.

He is part Kneazle and therefore has higher intelligence than normal cats. He recognized Padfoot and after much discussion, Padfoot (Sirius Black) finally managed to convince Crookshanks of why he was at Hogwarts. Crookshanks started going after Ron's pet rat Scabbers (who was really Peter Pettigrew in Animagus form) to try and bring him to Sirius. Of course, Crookshanks knew something was up from the moment he set eyes on Scabbers. This caused much rift between Ron and Hermione that year; Ron claimed that Crookshanks was out to get Scabbers from the beginning, while Hermione testified that cats chased rats. Because of his Kneazle background, Crookshanks doesn't like cheating, and he gives Ron and Harry disapproving looks when they cheat on their homework, reminding them strongly of Hermione. He likes playing with corks and watching them roll around.

I have my own Crookshanks. Morris came into my life when I was 15 years old. I convinced my mom to keep her. She has been my companion ever since. She is extremely possessive, jealous and attention seeker.

She likes to answer back when someone talks to her and has high intuition. She knows when I'm on the phone with Lex. Demands to be let in my bedroom when I'm at home.

She was my faithful compaion when I was writting my thesis project. I would be so lonely without my little Crookshanks/Morris.

Save Lil'Ragdoll

Precious Miseries is a collection of beautifully drawn girls made by Melissa Diaz. Precious Miseries Manor is full of strange wonder. This haunted manor is the last stop for orphans, dead or alive. Fortunately the girls that live there either do not mind or are worse than the ones haunting the manor. Whether good natured or prime evil, they all respect their caretaker, Seven, who genuinely cares for all of the manor’s inhabitants.

No one ever knows when a new member will be left at the doorstep of Precious Miseries Manor, nor do most care. All the girls are too preoccupied with their everyday survival. Each girl has her own insecurity to face and adventure to find. But, the biggest adventure for them all is finding a way to get along.

I bumped into Precious Miseries at Hot Topic during the Comm Team's shopping spree in April. Brenda saw the Gothica sticker and I fell in love with it. I started looking at the pins and found Flower Girl and Gothica. We didn't think twice and bought them.

Once we came back to Monterrey, we looked desperately for the Precious Miseries site. We looked at all the girls and fell in love with a couple more. We began spreading the word and have bought a couple of more pins and tshirts. Most of my friends have Presious Miseries avatars with Jester, Punk and Glaive. Brenda owns a Flower Girl doll. I'm waiting for Gothica to come out.

I found out Ragdoll isn't doing ok in sales. I'm worried I'll never have Gothica in my hands. Please help us save Ragdoll. Go to Hot Topic and buy one, for yourself, for a present or just to support the cause. Help promote Melissa's talent.

If I can't have Gothica in my hands, I'll blame all of you.


Buy Lil' Ragdoll

Ron, you ruined everything

A couple of days back, I wrote a comparison of my love life or something of the sort with someone dubbed Ron Weasley. I was looking at my Potter calendar and they are both strikingly similar in looks. Even though, that's not what matters. The book version of Hermione has put up for 6 years with Ronald's stupidity. The real Hermione is fed up with it.

Ron,
I met you in the best moment of my life. It was when I was going through a very dark and lonely stage. I needed someone to help me survive the emotional burden that I had. That was when I found you. Even though we were in the same house, it was after some ice breaker activity that we began to talk. That and the fact that you threw a plush fish to my face.

Music, books, movies, life experiences were some of the things we had in common. We easily got along. Soon enough we would be hanging out after class. We would go anywhere, movies, lunch as long as we would have fun.

That lasted for a while, and suddenly I began to feel something for you. I think you also felt something at some point. Don't know what specifically, but there was something. It was that chemestry, sharing secrets, projects, ideals, goals and dreams, and saying stupid things that would come to mind.

I made the huge mistake of telling you what I felt. Don't know if I scared you or if you were disappointed that a girl took the iniciative. Between my desception and sadness, I became involved with Krum, who was older than I was.

While I was with him, I tried to patch up our friendship bond. I saw you fall in love with Lavander. Even when it killed me, i was with someone else and as your friend I had to support you.

Your relationship never became real and mine fell apart. We were alone again. Harry and Ginny tried to get us to go out as doubles, it always included activities that I don't enjoy. Parties and alcohol don't work with me, you know that.

We clumsily tried to restart something that was broken by different circumstances. Your fear and my depression were possibly main factors. There were moments where I felt you close, I was almost sure that we would stop the nonsense and say something. Shame it was a future that never happened.

Lately, your immaturity, your irresponsability and your desire to break rules have shined stronger. I don't understand you. You know I loathe that. To top that off, when you get mad the first one that you explode with is with me. You're fine with everyone else . If you hurt those you love most, please don't love me. It upsets me that you're perfectly fine with everyone else, but me.

Thank you for being there in those moments of darkness, when I needed your support. I'll never forget that. Thank you for the times you made me laugh, cry and create different things. Thank you for sharing the important events with me. Thank you for trying to understand me.

After two years of loving you and wanting to live part of my life with you: Ron you ruined everything. It was your attitude that spoiled everything. I was always your last choice as a partner. Alcohol and drugs were always before me. I can't compete with that.

Missing you

Yes I hate to admit it. It's that time of day when the phone used to ring and I would sit back, relax and prepare for a fight.Right now, I'm fighting with a report, kinda sleepy and wishing the phone would ring so I can tell you how much I'm upset because of you.

But that won't happen. It's funny, that you take people and details for granted. Suddenly, days, months or years later you come to realize how much that in particular made your day or made life more bearable. Who would have thought that I would miss you? No one raised a hand or a fin. It felt so terribly empty to walk into Iliana's old office and not find traces of either of you.

Honestly, I have no clue where I'm getting strength from. It's amazing how bad I can feel and force myself to pull through. Right now, I realize how right you were when you said I was your best friend; not because I want to think I'm the best thing since sliced bread, but because I now realize I think the same way about you. Life is so full of irony. It annoys me that I'm trying to write something and I'm all teary eyed. I should really stop being such a big cry baby. It's so silly, because you haven't left the continent, you haven't even crossed the state! Knowing that, I am still a puddle of tears.

Withdrawl is pretty hard, Iliana was totally right. I can become easily addicted to something. In this case, I became addicted to the "quality" time (please!!!) we would spend daily fighting, ranting or doing reports (how pathertic were we?!?!?).

There, thats my rant.
I miss you.
I said it.
Happy?

Son of Evil

What would my son look like? Will he take from my mother's side and be dark haired and have big expressive eyes? Or will he be blonde/red-headed with ivory skin and freckles like my dad. Will he look like me? Who knows who the father will be like!

One thing is sure, he will be raised in an extremely artistic environment. Surronded by paint, music, clay and good books. Potter will be a common bedtime story and Apocalyptica a usual lulluby. If he favors sports, well I won't have much choice, or I can have Wilde be a good aunt. She's into the sporty thing.

My biggest dream is to have identical twins, a mischevious pair like Fred & George Weasley. Yet one will be enought as long as he's healthy.

Why all the fuss about having kids? It seems like an epidemic! Everyone is either getting hitched or pregnant. I don't even have a boyfriend. It's like I wasn't meant to be with someone. No matter what happens I end up alone.

Just imagine a bite sized replica of me, adorable, but evil. The perfect combination.

The end of a chapter

JLC -TGIF Club

In late December, Horacio, my account manager told me that I would be assigned to work along with Iliana Alvarado. Iliana had just began the Toastmasters project, I had offered to help behind the scenes.

The project was very exciting. A Toastmasters like project for supervisor level. I was thrilled. It was named JLC - Junior Leadership and Communication. The idea was challenging and many obsticles had to be conquered.

In late January, we had 30 aspiring Toastmasters signed up. The senior group helped launch and aided during the first two sessions. Two different schedules were set up, an evening Wednesday team and a morning Friday team.

Soon enough Jerry joined the JLC troop and it was decided that he would coordinate the Wednesday team. I would have the Friday team. It's not healthy to compare, but slowly the groups began to reflect our personalities. The Wednesday team was organized, political and structured. Those three words describe Jerry. The Friday team was multitasked, creative, and flexible to last minute changes. Those words could apply to me.

Yesterday was the program's certification ceremony. The groups shined before their bosses. It was the first time both groups sat in the same room and held a mixed ceremony. As coordinator of the Friday team, I am very proud of them. They aren't the same individuals that signed up in January. Same thing for the Wednesday team, but that is Jerry's effort, pride and joy.

My group, the TGIF Club, taught me how to delegate, analyze, stategize, plan and coordinate. I learned from them so many things, that they won't even imagine. I am fortunate to have worked along 13 very talented human beings. Thank you from the bottom of my heart: Carmen, Jessica, Mariana, Patty, JB, Omar, Oscar, Jorge, Pedro, Christopher, Fernando, Eduardo and Adrian. Thank you for putting up with me, and for trusting me.

Thank you Iliana for helping me become a better leader and guide. It saddens me to loose my boss and my mentor, but I know I still have my mother and my friend. Words aren't enough to express what I feel. Jerry, thanks for putting up with my bratty attitude.

My Fridays won't be the same from now on, but I will always have the memories of the insane things we did.

Aftermath of the Sin

With the venomous kiss you gave me
I'm killing loneliness
With the warmth of your arms you saved me
I'm killing loneliness with you
The killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb

HIM, Killing Loneliness

I've thought about what happened the other day. I've relived that moment a couple of more times in my head. Why didn't I act upon my feelings before? Because I wasn't sure. It was just a wicked game I guess. There is not much to do. It happened and unfortunately it won't go beyond that.