I've continued to think about those past events. I must confess, I enjoy the time I spend with you. Want to know a deep dark secret. I wish I could have you for myself. That's just wishful thinking. One of those crazy fantasies that will never come true.
I've never been the kind of girl that goes with the romantic ideal of following your heart, yet I trust my intuition. I was looking back and I've come to realize that I have nothing to lose. Except you. Throughout the years I've had best friends that are guys. Some because we became romantically involved, the others because of different other things.
When I was in Jr. High, Daniel was my best friend. We hugged, we seldom kissed, but we were always together and talking on the phone. Some girl decided to tell him stuff about me and he fell for it. I lost him.
During High School, David was my best friend. It was something like a power couple. He was talented, smart, charming. After he started dating his girl, things changed. Now he doesn't even want to acknowledge my existance. I lost him too.
At the end of High School, Joey was one of my closest friends. Sweet, huggable, adorable. We were together for 3 years and a half. The break up was bad. I lost him. I'm trying to reestablish a friendship bond there.
There is also Alejandro. Sociable, flirtatious, partner in crime. He thought I was in love with him and we got into a huge fight. We haven't spoken in 4 years. I also lost him.
The most recent case is Arturo. He's a strange blend between David and Joey. Different factors have made the relationship decay. Even though there was a time when we would do everything together. Perhaps he was just using me. We haven't spoken in a month.
Bottom line is, I might be destined to lose you. Out of the 5 mentioned above, I only expressed my feelings with one. The rest never knew what I felt for them. I sometimes regret that. I didn't even try it and at the end I still lost them.
With you I want it to be different. I might not even lose you; but if I do, it better be worth it.