Fear of a name increases fear of a thing itself.
I remember when I was a kid the only thing I truely feared was my mother's wrath. The moment I heard my middle name, I just knew I was in trouble. As I got older, my biggest fear became ending up alone.
I have learned to embrace my loneliness and treasure the few quiet moments I spend alone. I read most of the time or slumber in my quiet temple (my room). Yet every time I go out with my friends, I am always the single one. It's like if I'm not meant to share my life with someone.
It really brings me down.
Life gives so many twists and turns. My path has crossed yours many times during the last 10 years. How was I to know you would be the person I would want to spend the rest of my days on Earth with? How was I to know that you would share my dreams, goals and plans? How could I tell that you have the same passions and desires that I do? How could I know that I would be willing to care for you the rest of my life?
Time has done that. Time has given me the oportunity to let me get to know you better. To finally understand that there is such thing as a soul mate. Now my biggest fear is to lose you.
It would be my biggest tragedy. To finally become aware that you do exist, that you are something real and something I can have (you know what I mean) and that you give up on this that we have because you become scared of trying something new.
I have confessed my biggest fear. I'm scared of losing you. I'm scared of losing my best friend. I'm scared of losing the guy I can talk to about nothing and everything at the same time. I'm scared of losing the only person that makes me feel alive and inspires me to keep going. I'm scared of losing the only rival that I would be willing to have a death match with.
I'm scared that you don't love me the way I love you.