The first day

this is the first day of my last days

i built it up now i take it apart climbed up real high now fall down real far

no need for me to stay the last thing left i just threw it away

i'm the one without a soul i'm the one with this big fucking hole

no new tale to tell twenty-six years on my way to hell

-Wish NIN

I just love the way Trent Reznor composes. Indeed, today is the first day of my last days: I begin my formal diet. Breakfast was more than fine. I must confess, it was more than what I expected. Lunch looks yummy and dinner will be a slight complication because I have training; yet I usually find a way to come around these things.

I am aware that my goal is a bit out of the expected; what do I have to lose. I've lost plenty of time already, not say money. There actually isn't nothing to lose, except a couple of pounds. I'm aiming for a possibly non-realistic goal of 22 pounds during the first month. If I don't make it to the 22, I want to be as close as possible.

I've taken my weight loss like that, small challenges at a time. I remember when I would say I'd go back to running, cardio, spa and diet. Of course I couldn't keep up. I slowly have lost 33.7 pounds in 4 months, just controling my mouth. Now, I'm getting a bit of help from a nutrologist (sp?) and we'll see how my metabolism reacts. I'm getting my evil biker girl outfit ready for Halloween.

In my love life, if you can call it like that, it's also the first day of my last days. I've been with this guy I've gushed endlessly about for two months now. They say that infatuation lasts 3 months. Today, I can scream to the whole world that I love him with all my heart. Knowing myself, I will be able to say the same thing at the end of the month. My question and doubts being on his side. Will he still say that he loves me at the end of the month? Don't get me wrong. I just want him to be absolutely sure about what he feels about me.

This is the first day of my last days for better or for worse.