Infinite sadness

I honestly don't know what's gotten into me. I can be all jumpy and happy, but then I switch into this gloomy mood. I want to cry and scream that I'm very upset. That perhaps I'm not the kind of girl that a guy would fight for.

I'm not pretty, nor model thin. I don't have blonde straight hair. I don't come from a rich family. Are those the reasons why guys don't turn to see me? I honestly don't stand out in a crowd.

I know I have a couple of good things. Maybe it's not enough. Should I change? Shall I launch myself in another market? Should I have patience for prince charming to find his way?

I don't know what I want. I know who I want though. I try very hard to be patient, but I don't know if things will work out the way I wish they would.

I'm sad, because I miss him. Because he's so caught up in his things that he doesn't even have time for himself, let alone me. I'm upset because I'm starting to believe that he lied to me. It breaks my heart that someone could rip apart trust just to get awaywith murder.

I don't want to believe that, but he's leaving me no choice. To this day, after almost 4 months of everything, I still love him.

With what's left of my heart and my entire soul.