Sunday, August 20, 2006

Mixed feelings

Well, it's been almost two weeks of twisted and wicked emotions. I guess this is one of the most interesting things about humans. We can feel many things at the same time and go from anger and rage to bliss and happiness in a couple of minutes.

It's amazing that on a Monday you can be the happiest human being on the face of this earth, holding the love of your life and by Thursday you're alone, feeling confused and miserable.

That's placing things on a weekly distance. I guess it's incredible that at 8:30 AM in the morning you could be text messaging your beloved and calling to tell her that you love her and you miss her and by 10:30 PM you are calling to say its over for now. I simply don't get it.

It's been a constant rollercoaster of emotions.
It's not a fair fight. You don't let me defend myself. It's coming to a point in which I feel you don't even trust me anymore. After 10 years of knowing each other you doubt me. I simply can't believe it. It's even more frustrating that you think there's an evil plan to see you fail. For the love of God, people have better things to do than see your life fail. Have you ever thought that if it is true, that people are expecting you to fail and be miserable is a reaction of the things you have done.?

It makes me very sad that you promised so many things and you haven't been able to keep your word. I feel used. It's like that's all you wanted, just know what's it like to have me and then throw me away.

It upsets me that you act like a coward. You're hiding from me. You're acting like if we don't know each other. Stop acting like a child and grow up. Face the consequences of your actions as I have done. Don't give me the typical crap that "I can't believe I . . . " You know the rest. Yes you can believe it; wanna know why, because you don't feel what you say. If you did, you wouldn't have even tried to know what's it like to be with me. You're happy, you're complete.

It breaks my heart to see my nephew ask for you almost on a daily basis. I never really thought that he would like you that much. Hell, I thought you would be a guy that simply went through my life. Here we are almost 3 months later of when it all began and instead of having the time of my life with the person I simply know is my soulmate, I'm suffering his cowardly reactions.

I refuse to believe that you are a jerk and you used me. You wouldn't have gone through all that trouble if this was simply something just to satisfy your male ego. Unfortunately for you, I know you. I know your tone of voice, your body language, even the shine in your eyes. Obviously, that's the reason why you don't want to see me.

All in all, I do love you. Something so strong can't change in a heartbeat. I am fortunate to have lived so many things with you. Things like a simple friendship, being best friends, being in love with each other, success, failure. Those things are so meaningful and make relationships stronger. Even things like the ones we are going through now, things like this is what makes love grow stronger.

Even though you are a certified liar, I believe there is a sweet, honest and kind young man inside you. Where things like integrity and trust are important, perhaps the most important things in life. Where beyond success in life, you simply want to be loved by someone. Where you simply are waiting for the right day to prove your quality as a human being. When you will keep all the promises that you made and stick to your word through thick and thin.

I will fight for it as long as my integrity, dignity, pride and love for you will allow.

The moonlight can't survive without sunshine.

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