Trick or Treat

Candy. Jack o'lanterns. Witches. Broomsticks. Monsters. Superheros. Things that remind me of how fun it was to be a kid. I was 6 when my cousin Ozzie took me trick or treating for the first time. We were living in Houston. I guess there weren't many kids in the neighborhood. Mom says it looked like we were the only ones dressed up and demanding candy.

The following year we were in San Antonio. Things were different. Mom would take us to different neighborhoods in the surrounding areas. Mainly for the candy, but also to see the impressive decorations. Houses dressed up for the occasion.

The sky was jet black, but it seemed like a tranquil afternoon where kids were running up to others yards asking for candy. It was all fun and games.

Costumes were a huge deal. I remember dressing up as a witch, an angel, a devil, Rainbow Brite, a tiger and I think a butterfly.

Unfortunately now, I live in Mexico. Where Halloween is literally banned by the Catholic Church. It still doesn't stop those candy enthusiasts.

I hope by next year I'll have the desire to dress up and remember what's it like to be a kid on a dark Halloween night.

Happy Trick or Treating.

I shall call it, mini me

A Sunday like this, but eleven years ago; the most beautiful October moon gave its first reflection. It took the name of Selena Aurora. Like the moon, she had creamy white skin and glisening green-grey eyes.

Sweet and adoable were the first words that would come to your mind when you tried to describe her. A baby that would only cry when hungry or felt lonely.

She was perfection turned into flesh. There was nothing else that a woman could ask for. Perhaps only to spend more time with her.

There was nothing more enchanting than watching her sleep. As she grew, she began to recognize those around her. As soon as the heard the sound of my voice, she would crawl as fast as her little body could take her towards me. She would smile and look up at me, so I could pick her up.

The strong resemblance we have began to become noticable. We would call her my mini me. She calls herself mini me nowadays. Simple things such as food preferences or favorite colors and complicated things like personality traits or certain reactions are things we have in common. To me, its like living my childhood again, to her, its taking a peek into her future. It's a huge responsability to be her role model. I have to strive for perfection, because she thinks I'm perfect.

We are so similar that it's hard to stay happy for a moment. There were times when we would be at each other's throats. We've both grown up a bit, and enjoy every moment we get to spend together. Whether it be over the phone or physical.

As her birthdays and Christmases came and went, her Winnie the Pooh collection began to grow. I try to get her neat presents, but I'm very careful about not spoiling her.

One thing she has said. She wants to be my only baby. Jealous and possessive. Just like me. I don't know if I can keep that desire she has, because I'm anxious about having my twins. What I can do, is be with her along the way. Support her in everything she does. Grant almost every wish she has. Love her, no matter what she does.

I love you sweetie, from day one and forever.

Pain

Oh yes, I am in pain. I'm not talking about the emotional thing just now. I'm physically in pain. I've been in bed for two days now. Cold sweat, fever, tummyache. That and the fact that in former days I've been having evil cravings. If I knew better, I would think I'm preggers.

Don't know what's going on with me right now. I feel terribly weak. I wish I had the strength to keep going. I've spent the last days mostly asleep.

Talking about other things . . . you!!! I was told today that in my sleep. Or agony. I called out for you. I can't believe it. Here I am, dying and you are still the only thing I think about.

I love you, hope you manage to realize that.

Memories

A couple of Octobers ago, I did what I thought I would never do. Yup, I was on radio. The most infamous English talk show in town. The Ricky G show. Staring Ricky of course.

We had the graveyard show. A couple of in house celebreties that would only make the show better and funnier. Characters such as the Nena, the Old Man, Jorge, Osama and other things that Ricky's creativity would allow him to come up with.

Loved or hated, the show had a loyal fanbase.

Miss those crazy days

MKT Simposium

Since I began my advertising minor, I began to hunt for and learn about different marketing and advertising trends. One of the best marketing forums in the city happens once a year at the Marketing Simposium at the ITESM.

Throught the past years I've been able to listen to on a first hand basis to the best in marketing, such as Marc Gobe and Laura Ries; and MarComm managers from companies such as Absolut, Disney, Interbrand, Sony, Eurocopter, Xbox and MTV. Nothing compares to getting first dibs of a segmentation analisis for a new product or to have the consecuences of a campaign explained to you.

This year, I went alone. It was a very enriching expierence. Even though I didn't go to all of the parties, I did meet some interesting people. I also learned that my dream master does exist. The only drawback, its at Guadalajara.

It's the perfect master: Master in Advertising and Corporate Communication. I even love the way it sounds. I've decided that if I don't find a job soon, I might begin to check everything to prepare for a 2 year move out of town.

Mom already warned me that Morris would have to come along with me. Don't know what will happen. I need to write to the UAG and check what I have to do. I am in the perfect situation. I don't have a job that binds me to Monterrey. I don't have a steady boyfriend that might cry a river for me. Even though I wish I did. I only have my parents and friends.

I hope I can think with a cold mind.

Putting our pieces together

This week, Morris and I lost Shy. I shared 16 years of my life with her, Morris was part of the last 10. Shy was the sugar topping on our daily activities. She would let me know when Morris wanted to come back into the house. She would also pick up Morris before bedtime.

I lost a baby and Morris lost her sister. We both have been a bit glum lately. Morris has been sleeping much more than before. She has also been looking for me much more than in past months. She has never liked to be alone.

I on the other hand, resent the house's newly aquiered silence. It's strange to see her food and not have anyone to give it to. Or to see that Morris doesn't finish off her tuna, and then it spoils; because Shy would always come and finish those things off.

It's a different start for us. We were used to being three and now we are two. I am aware that if I leave, I will need to take her with me. I fear that if I'm gone, sadness will consume her.

Time to start rebuilding the shattered hearts.

She's gone

Shy
August 1990 - October 2006

I promise I'll write her obituary soon. I'm too heartbroken right now.

Sad

It hasn' been a very good begining of the month. Even if we'r midmonth already. My pet fish died last week. The book fair is really crappy this year. My pet cat looks very weak. I am aware she is rather old. She's 16. She was fine two days ago. Yesterday I noticed she was having trouble walking. Today she could barely move. She's resisting, and I hope she makes it through the night, but I'm not sure.

I just hope things get better.

Transformation Status: Complete

It's until this moment that I'm looking at this picture that I've realized.
I use black to highlight blue.

This is the woman I am. I am 26 years old. Smart and talented. Confident and determined. It's been a painful transformation. Lossing 45 pounds in less than a year and changing 4 different dress sizes is very exhausting. The sacrifice is huge. The last pizza I ate was last June.

Sure, I've misbehaved during my diet and drank chocolate milk or had a slice of apple pie. The next day I have to make up for that.

I still have to go shopping for new clothes. As of now, I am very pleased with who I have become. I've regained my vanity and my appeal to the opposite sex.

I love being me.

And I hope you love the girl I've become.

Vanity my favorite sin

Vain. A completely new word to me. At least thats what I think. Of course if you ask my brother Ian, he'll have a very different opinion.

My life

In my life I decide and it turns me on,
How I am, how I live, who I love
In my way I feel strong and it turns me on
In my life, I decide, I decide

Times had gone when you would say
This is the one and seize the day
Times had gone for honesty
My victory is your defeat
Can't you see you've been mistaken

All you do you can't deny
It's waste of time, waste of life
Can I suggest that you invest
In something more than hopelessness
Before you know the ride is over

In my life I decide and it turns me on,
How I am, how I live, who I love
In my way I feel strong and it turns me on
In my life, I decide, I decide

The record shows that you're dead but you're still living
Every time you have died you have been given
Another chance to fix your bad attitude
And make a move, it's up to you

It's up to you if we give it up, give it up

I have officially found my new anthem. Yes, it definetly feels good to be the master designer of what happens with your life and not depend on what others expect of you. Doesn't matter if they think you're wrong or you could be better off. It's my choice not yours. That's why you have your own life. You mess with it.

I love being able to fall in love with whom I want. Right now I'm still in love with that person that makes me so mad, but can also make me feel powerful and delicate. As strange the combination sounds, thats what I love about him. Yes I love him. I don't care what everyone else says or does or thinks.

I feel empowered by being able to wear the color contacts I want or the color of my hair. Chosing the clothes that I wear or what I eat. Not being a follower and self encouraging my unique taste in music and other entertainment.

I feel like myself again.

Little girl lost . . . found!

God bless Finnish music

Much of the music of Finland is influenced by Karelian traditional tunes and lyrics, as comprised in the Kalevala. Karelian culture is perceived as the purest expression of the Finnic myths and beliefs, less influenced by Germanic influence, in contrast to Finland's position between the East and the West. Finnish folk music has undergone a roots revival in recent decades, and has become a part of popular music. The people of northern Finland, the Sami, have their own musical traditions, collectively Sami music.

Modern Finnish popular music includes a renowned death metal scene, in common with other Nordic countries, as well as a number of prominent rock bands, jazz musicians and hip hop performers. Iskelmä (coined directly from the German word Schlager, meaning hit) is a traditional Finnish word for a light popular song. Finnish popular music also includes a large amount of opera and various kinds of dance music; tango, a style of Argentinian music, is also popular.

Nightwish, Amorphis, Waltari, Stratovarius, Kotipelto, Sentenced, Sonata Arctica, Children of Bodom, Charon, HIM, and The 69 Eyes have had success in European and Japanese heavy metal and hard rock scenes since the 1990s, and has been gaining popularity rapidly in the United States since the late 1990s. In the later 1990s the symphonic metal group Apocalyptica played Metallica cover songs as cello quartettos and sold half a million records worldwide. The recently retired Timo Rautiainen & Trio Niskalaukaus were one of Finland's most popular metal acts in the early 2000s, having risen from the ashes of late 1980s – early 1990s cult band Lyijykomppania.

Another band to enjoy recent commercial success is The Rasmus. After eleven years together and several domestic releases, the band finally captured Europe. Their Dead Letters album sold 1.5 million units worldwide and garnered them eight gold and five platinum album designations. The single "In The Shadows" placed on Top 10 charts in eleven countries and was the most played video on MTV Europe for 2005.

Most recently, the Finnish hard rock/heavy metal band Lordi won the 2006 Eurovision Song Contest with a record 292 points, giving Finland its first ever victory. The song they used was the controversial "Hard Rock Hallelujah" and they celebrated the victory with a free concert in the Market Square in Helsinki, Finland, on May 26, 2006.

Enough about Finnish musical history! Today I went to the first The Rasmus concert in Monterrey. It definetely kicked major ass. There was no opening act, a full adrenaline packed show. There were some funny moments, like when Eero wore a silly hat and hummed the Old McDonald tune and the one that touched my heart was when Lauri ran to take a breath from his inhaler. His asthma doesn't stop him. Hats off to the man.

I need a trip to Finland just to check out the local bands.

Who wants to come along?

Long live King Krak

Kraken Pot Hashish

January 30,2006 - October 11,2006

In late January, 4 people (Arturo,Brenda,Ian and I) went on a petstore mission. The objective: to find a betta fish that would be a worthy heir for the title HTC's most beautiful fish that Cleo once had. We went to + cota and no fish was of my liking.

I imagine that Arturo sensed my sorrow for Cleo's loss that he accepted to go to Plaza Fiesta to seek another petstore. Arriving at the store, all we begin to look. Ian and Arturo chose the heir. I bought a castle. How could a king rule his kingdom without a castle! No one would take him seriously.

Once the full freedom quota was paid, we took the prince to his new realm. A name, what name would be good?. Easy to learn, but with a strong meaning. After thinking a while, Arturo suggested Kraken. Name of a mythological beast, a gigantic squid that could sink large embarkations. Ian quickly deformed the name and turned it into Krak. Little after Pot Hashish was added.

He did not delay in learning its name, nor in recognizing the cry of "who is the most beautiful fish in HTC". Krak listened all my conversations. Listened me to fight with my best friend by phone or in person, make strang designs or simply hang out with Arturo, write articules for the Tribune and fight with vendors. He saw me to suffer the departure of my mentor/boss and of my best friend, the enormous fights with my supervisor and of my complots/confessions with JB.

Extremely hyperactive, Krak took advantage of the space he had at home. He concentrated on a possible strategy to invade his own castle. Observed to Muffin, Cleo's widow , with great contempt and flirted with a postcard that had 3 fairies. He did not like pictures.

In summer, when the trailers for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest appeared I promised I could take him to watch the film and see the beast where his name was taken, instead we played the trailer in my computer.

Unlike Cleo, Krak was almost exclusively an office fish. He met his family (my family) during a long weekend we took. We returned to work again and everything was like always. When we left HTC, Krak left in his HTC contanier.

At home, I placed in the kitchen; next to Leach. Always more active thant his cousin, but more reserved. Used to his solitude and his castle. During the mornings it became a routine for the three of us to watch TV and prepare breakfast as well as lunch.

Today, during our routine, It all seemed well. We had breakfast, while prepared the lunch I did my usual displays of affection (how can you hold or pet a fish), I left to talk with Lex over the phone. When I returned, I went towards the fishbowls. I called his name. I couldn't see him. I moved his bowl. Something moved. It was his small lifeless body.

The king is dead. Long live the king.

Strawberries and Cream

I feel so totally weak right now. Don't know what's wrong with me. I feel extremely hot, but if you touch me I'm cold. I also have a headache and my tummy is bloated. Perhaps its beluga time once more.

I was suppossed to have cereal with fruit for dinner; yet mom says that when you have a fever you can't consume dairy.

Right now I have the extreme urge and desire for strawberries and cream. Instead I had cherry jello.

I want strawberries!!!!

To J with my undying love

Once upon a time we had a lot to fight for

We had a dream, we had a plan
Sparks in the air, we spread a lot of envy
Didn't have to care once upon a time

Remember when I swore
That love was never ending
And you and I would never die
Remember when I swore
We had it all

Sail away, it's time to leave
Rainy days, are yours to keep
Fade away, the night is calling my name
You will stay, I'll sail away

Once upon a time we used to burn candles
We had a place to call a home
The dream that we lived
Was better than divine
Every day was like a gift Once upon a life

Remember when you swore
Your love is never ending
And you and I would never die
Remember when you swore
We had it all We'd never fall

Sail away, it's time to leave
Rainy days are yours to keep
Fade away, the twilight is calling my name
You will stay, I'll sail away

No reason to lie
No need to pretend
I'm greatfull to die
To live once again
I'm fearless to fly
And reach for the end

Sail away
The night is calling my name

It's been 2 months

Time flies when you're having fun. I strongly believe that. It also flies when you are trying to cope a difficult situation. Perhaps not cope, but in the fragile intent to cope.

It's hard to describe what I feel exactly. Being a witch, I try to believe in fate, destiny and the three fold law. Everything you do will come back to you three times three. I'm not completely sure if this is the consecuence of all the mischief I've caused or if I'm a victim of the system.

Yesterday was officially two months since I last saw the guy I'm in love with. It doesn't embarass me to admit that I am in love. It's quite possible that I'm being foolish, but perhaps love is a foolish thing.

Some say I should take the hint. If he's avoiding me it's that it's completely over; but what if he's really busy like he claims to be. I look at myself and respond coherently that until this week I had time to let go of the household responsabilities and dedicate a couple of hours to myself.

Until last week I went to a party, I was out of the house for 4 hours. The times I've been out before were less than 3 hours away from the house and always available via moble. It was this past Thursday when I left the house for 6 hours to get my highlights done. Yazmin was home early and I could leave. On Friday, I got to the salon late because I had to make breakfast for mom, dad and the pets. I got back home 5 hours later and my mother was starving.

I miss him, with all my heart. Odd in me, I dreamt him on Thursday night. It was like if everything was ok. He said his usual things about life, love and business. I am completely aware that I might be wrong. That I placed my heart and hopes in the wrong person. Again. Yet how is a girl to find the perfect guy when she hasn't even looked.

I don't know if you still read my blogs. I don't know if you still love me. If you feel at least that warm and fuzzy feeling when you think about me. If you even think back to the time when things were better and you had a bit of courage.

I miss that guy, the brave one. The one that would know what to say in the precise moment. I miss your sly grin. The smell of your lotion. The way you get upset when I want to play with your hair. The way you get nervous when I say something smarter than you. The look you would give me before you kissed me. The way you reacted when I kissed you on instinct.

I know that if you see me, you might have a double take. I've slimmed down a size completely. My body and face look different. My hair is now black and blue. I'm wearing colored contacts and glasses to correct my vision. Vanity, my favorite sin.

Deep down inside, the smart girl that knew exactly how to work with you is there. The strange combination between a preppy Valley girl and a outspoken confident Texan girl. The combination that seduced you. The combination of a girl that left you speechless.

I love you, with all my heart. I miss you J.

Body and Soul . . . I'm a freak

Yeah, i'm a freak of nature
Yeah, i'm a freak

If only I could be as cool as you
As cool as you

Body and soul I'm a freak
I'm a freak body and soul
I'm a freak

I am completely aware that I'm not your average girl. I dress in black. Have weird taste in music. Dress in funky combinations anbd outfits. Wear colored contact lenses. Dye my hair black, when my natural tone is dark red.. Now I have blue highlights.

Today I went to get my eyes checked and ordered my glasses. I have astigmatism. I really want them for reading. It was the first time I went out with Lex after a while.

As soon as we get off from the cab. I start noticing people staring at me. Of course I thought I was being paranoid. I got the same look at the optical. I'm used to this so I simply ignored it.

We went along. We bought a couple of things. Got ice cream at Micky D's. That's when I got upset. More than 15 people had stared at me and my hair. I thought Lex hadn't noticed, then she told me that if I were on a leash, she would have started charging everyone to look at me.

Before we made it to her house, we took the midget for a check up. Even the stupid nurses were staring. I would have charged her double.

We got to her house. Fortunately her mother in law didn't notice. Her husband simply said "nice hair". That's a huge compliment coming from him.

I love being strange.

Blonde to Blue

I think my biggest rejection in life had been to blondes. Hate to admit it, but I know my genetic pool has a 50% blonde posibility. Bless my mother and her brunette genes.

I've dyed my hair in two different shades all my life: red and black. I've always wanted blue highlights. My mother would never approve.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally convinced my mother to let my get the higlights I've always wanted. "It's your money and your hair".

Yesterday, my kid sister Wilde took me to the salon she goes to. After 4 hours of bleaching my color processed hair and touching up the black roots, I was ready for the blue paint.

My roots were the first ones to adopt the beautiful sapphire blue tone. The ends were a bit hasty, all those years of coloring my hair were doing their magic.

I went back today to get the job completed. The bleaching cream was added and my hair was covered in foil. I felt like a turkey before Thanksgiving dinner. I was there, in the sun letting this cream decolor my lovely hair.

Once my hair took a golden hue it was rinsed and then, the liquid berry was added to my hair. Two consecutive applications of blue dye made my hair look the perfect compliment for my blue contacts and my sapphire ring.

A couple of minutes later it was straightened. The girls from the salon sold me the remaining of the blue dye so I can do at home touch ups. I will eventually need the first one next week.

I look like the teenage version of myself. I have the hair and recovering the body. I feel the energy and have the vibe.

I'm also in love like a teenager, but that's a different story.

Black to Blonde

Yeah, that's me. Drinking chocolate milk, which I shouldn't due to my diet. That's aluminum foil in my hair protecting the bleaching thingie that was added to my hair. Indeed, I finally did it.
I am getting my blue highlights.

Process isn't complete, I'll get it finished tomorrow. Wilde took me to the little salon that she goes to. My roots look the most beautiful blue you can imagine. I'll upload that tomorrow.

It rained of course, I was very happy. It had to stop, since Wilde's mom said we would be able to go out once the rain stopped. So it was done.

I'm excited. I look drop dead gorgeous.

I really want to see you now.

October's Loony Luna

During October, we can see the most beautiful moons. There a no other moons throughout the year that compare to the diverse coloring of this satilite in this month.

The Moon has figured in many mythologies, often paired or contrasted with the Sun. Many of the most well-known mythologies feature female lunar deities, such as the Greek goddesses Selene and Phoebe and their Olympian successor Artemis, their Roman equivalents Luna and Diana, or the Thracian Bendis. These cultures almost invariably featured a male sun god.

It is worth mentioning the cult that appeared in the Medieval Milan at the end of the 14th century. Two women from higher society, Sibillia Zanni and Pietrina de' Bugatis, were brought in 1384 and again in 1390 before the Inquisition for having claimed that, together with others - both living and dead, they worshipped the goddess Madonna Oriente. Madonna Oriente is the Italian translation of the Latin words "Domina Oriens." It has been demonstrated that this name was used to denote the Moon. Those who worshipped her were the first Inquisition victims to be burned as witches, though not the first victims of persecution as witches nor the first victims of the Inquisiton.

A feminine lunar connection is easily overstated, however, for male lunar gods are also frequent, such as Nanna or Sin of the Mesopotamians, Mani of the Germanic tribes, Thoth of the Egyptians, the Japanese god Tsukiyomi, Rahko of Finns and Tecciztecatl of the Aztecs. These cultures usually featured female Sun goddesses.

While many Neopagan authors and feminist scholars claim that there was an original Great Goddess in prehistoric cultures that was linked to the moon and formed the basis of later religions, the Great Goddess figure is highly speculative and not a proven concept. It is important to note that most of the oldest civilizations mentioned above had male lunar deities, and it was only later cultures — the classical ones most people are familiar with — that featured strong female moon goddesses.

The bull was lunar in Mesopotamia (its horns representing the crescent). In the Hellenistic-Roman rites of Mithras, the bull is prominent, with astral significance, but with no explicit connection to the moon.

The words 'lunacy," "lunatic," and "loony" are derived from Luna because of the folk belief in the moon as a cause of periodic insanity. It is a feature of modern belief that shapeshifters such as werewolves drew their power from the moon and would change into their bestial form during the full moon, but this feature is largely absent from older folklore.

The purported influence of the moon in human affairs remains a feature of astrology.

Twins

One like daddy and another like mommy

Everyone says all females have that maternal instinct. I've always wanted to be a mommy. When I heard there were twins in the family, I couldn't wait to get my hands on a couple. Specially after reading about the Weasely twins and the mischief they create.

Twins are two individuals who have shared the uterus during a single pregnancy and are usually, but not necessarily, born in close succession. Due to the limited size of the mother's womb, multiple pregnancies are much less likely to carry to full term than singleton births, with twin pregnancies usually lasting around 34 to 36 weeks. Since premature births can have health consequences for the babies, twin births are often handled with special precautions.

There are five variations of twinning that occur commonly in the world. The three most common variations are all fraternal: (1) boy-girl twins are the most common result, at about 40% of all twins born; (2) girl fraternal twins; (3) boy fraternal twins. The last two are identical: (4) girl identical twins and (5) (least common) boy identical twins.

Fraternal twins (commonly known as "non-identical twins") When two eggs are independently fertilized by two different sperm cells, fraternal twins result. Like any other siblings, have a very small chance of having the exact same chromosome profile, but most likely have a number of different chromosomes that distinguish them. Like any other siblings, fraternal twins may look very similar, particularly given that they are the same age.

However, fraternal twins may also look very different from each other. They may be a different sex or the same sex. Mixed-race twins, or twins born to parents of mixed racial origin, can vary considerably in their skin colouration and other features.

Identical twins occur when a single egg is fertilized to form one zygote (monozygotic) which then divides into two separate embryos. This is not considered to be a hereditary trait, but rather an anomaly that occurs in birthing at a rate of about 1:150 births worldwide, regardless of ethnic background.

Identical twins are genetically identical (unless there has been a mutation in development) and they are the same gender. (On extremely rare occasions, an original XXY zygote may form monozygotic boy/girl twins by dropping the Y chromosome for one twin and the extra X chromosome for the other.) They generally look alike. Fine physical details such as fingerprints will differ. As they mature, identical twins often become less alike because of lifestyle choices or external influences. Genetically speaking, the children of identical twins are half-siblings rather than cousins.

Studies have shown that identical twins reared in different environments share similar personality traits, mannerisms, job choices, attitudes, and interests. These findings add to the belief that many behaviors are derived from genes.

I hope life blesses me with fraternal twins.

One like daddy and one like mommy.

No pain, No gain

Every achievement involves effort and sacrifice. No pain, no gain is a common motivational punchline used by many trainers.

Ironically, one of the most painful things I've seen and experienced is a beauty regime. Starting with strange looking turbans to straighten wavy hair, undergoing stinky perms and relaxing chemicals, removing body hair with hot wax, amoung other strange rituals. This excludes strict diets and time invested in the gym.

I consider myself one of the few that doesn't do all those things. I've learned to live with my wavy, bushy Hermione Granger hair. I seldom straighten it with a flat iron, only for special events or when I'm feeling flirty. What I can't do without are my colored contacts or my blue black dye for my hair.

Six months ago I began using a corset to help improve my posture and my S shaped back, As I've been losing weight, I've gotten the corset adgusted. It always gets reduced 3 or 4 cms from my real measurements. This helps my back to be straight and keeps my tummy tucked.

During my usual adjustment, one of the girls that does the fixing wanted a Starbucks coffee. I told them there was a new one closer to where we were. Since I didn't know exactly were, I got threatened that I'd get a bigger adjustment because I didn't have comple info.

The moment we were going to zip the corset up, we couldn't. I almost thought they were going to have to losen it up a bit. The other girl was called in. It was three against the corset. As we began closing the corset, the both were telling me how pretty I was going to look. Assuring me that all the sacrifice was worth it.

Suddenly, the motivational comment "You're gonna look like Barbie" is misinterpreted and transformed into "You're gonna look like Barney". The three of us laughed our ass off and finished zipping the corset.

Something as simple as breathing hurts.Yet looking at my reflexion in the mirror reminds me that every single adjustment is worth it.

I don't need intensive torment. The 45 pounds I've lost arethanks to every single adjustment I've had.

So, I lied

I had a party Saturday night. Nothing too complicated. A get together to celebrated a belated promotion. I wore my Durmstrang t-shirt and some jeans.

The moment I got there, my bottle of Boone's was placed in my hand. We started talking and remembering the old days. Suddenly secrets began to be shared. The compliments about my notorious weight loss were made. The changes in my personal appearance such as the contact lenses and straight hair were noticed.

Mainly, because these were people that hadn't seen me in aproximately four months. X, a friend that unfortunately got fired back in April/May was making the compliments and asking questions. Suddenly,the inevitable question arose.

X: So, are you dating someone?
V: No, but there's someone known as the "imperfect".
X: And who might this "imperfect" be?
V: None of your business. All you need to know is that he isn't perfect.

The conversation continued. We focused on talking about our professional lives or what remains of them. Clearing up old rumors and gossip.

X: So, is J (the imperfect's real name) the imperfect?

I remain silent and turn to see a friend that knows my secret. I choke on my drink and threaten X with the bottle.

V: Of course he's imperfect. He can't be perfect because he never asked me out.

I changed the subject, but I got extremely nervous. A couple of minutes later I left the party. Before I left, X asked again to know the imperfect's real identity. I said that one day he would know.

It makes me wonder. Were there really feelings and attraction involved long before we decided to admit it? Were we acting dumb? Were we pretending to be mature and see beyond attraction? Was this simply meant to be?

I wish it is.