Sunday, October 08, 2006

It's been 2 months

Time flies when you're having fun. I strongly believe that. It also flies when you are trying to cope a difficult situation. Perhaps not cope, but in the fragile intent to cope.

It's hard to describe what I feel exactly. Being a witch, I try to believe in fate, destiny and the three fold law. Everything you do will come back to you three times three. I'm not completely sure if this is the consecuence of all the mischief I've caused or if I'm a victim of the system.

Yesterday was officially two months since I last saw the guy I'm in love with. It doesn't embarass me to admit that I am in love. It's quite possible that I'm being foolish, but perhaps love is a foolish thing.

Some say I should take the hint. If he's avoiding me it's that it's completely over; but what if he's really busy like he claims to be. I look at myself and respond coherently that until this week I had time to let go of the household responsabilities and dedicate a couple of hours to myself.

Until last week I went to a party, I was out of the house for 4 hours. The times I've been out before were less than 3 hours away from the house and always available via moble. It was this past Thursday when I left the house for 6 hours to get my highlights done. Yazmin was home early and I could leave. On Friday, I got to the salon late because I had to make breakfast for mom, dad and the pets. I got back home 5 hours later and my mother was starving.

I miss him, with all my heart. Odd in me, I dreamt him on Thursday night. It was like if everything was ok. He said his usual things about life, love and business. I am completely aware that I might be wrong. That I placed my heart and hopes in the wrong person. Again. Yet how is a girl to find the perfect guy when she hasn't even looked.

I don't know if you still read my blogs. I don't know if you still love me. If you feel at least that warm and fuzzy feeling when you think about me. If you even think back to the time when things were better and you had a bit of courage.

I miss that guy, the brave one. The one that would know what to say in the precise moment. I miss your sly grin. The smell of your lotion. The way you get upset when I want to play with your hair. The way you get nervous when I say something smarter than you. The look you would give me before you kissed me. The way you reacted when I kissed you on instinct.

I know that if you see me, you might have a double take. I've slimmed down a size completely. My body and face look different. My hair is now black and blue. I'm wearing colored contacts and glasses to correct my vision. Vanity, my favorite sin.

Deep down inside, the smart girl that knew exactly how to work with you is there. The strange combination between a preppy Valley girl and a outspoken confident Texan girl. The combination that seduced you. The combination of a girl that left you speechless.

I love you, with all my heart. I miss you J.

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