2006 is over

Last post of the year. People are already bursting fireworks. 2006 was possibly the worst year ever. Out of the 12 months I can say 2 were good. The rest well, they were full of lies and desception.

I made the biggest mistake of my life. I got involved with my best friend. No, that's not the bad part. The bad part is that he's married. That happened midyear. I guess that's why the year was lousy. I became depressed during the break up.

I decided to leave HTC due to lame professional options. I was very fragile during those months. Four of my pets died during this year. My so called friends lied and betrayed me. My kid sister is dating a jerk.

I've lost tons of weight. I've become more vain. I guess I'm turning into a girl now. I now have a better job. I'm falling in love with someone wonderful. I simply hope 2007 is far better than 2006.

Let's just hope its all for the best.

Fantasy's shame

I'm a big fan of fantasy. I love it so much that my thesis was on Harry Potter. I was heartbroken when New Line stated that Peter Jackson wouldn't direct The Hobbit. Then in the summer I saw the trailer for fantasy's newest addition: Eragon.

I didn't go to the premier because I had no one to go with. Couple of weeks later I was at the movies with friends watching the creative work of young Christopher Paoloni.

As soon as the movie starts, you realize you're reliving things from Star Wars, Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and so on. The story never comes to an actual climax because it is too fast paced. The scenes jump from one important event to another. Names lack creativity.

The acting was terrible. Not even the young Harry Potter stars were as bad as Edward Speelers. They were 13 at the time and he's 17. The actors that gave life to the Pevensive siblings in Narnia seemed more prepared and it was also their first movie.

I stumbled upon a wonderful website that has a deeper comparison from the original book to other fabulous fantasy pieces of art. Some I have included below.

Honestly, the movie isn't a big deal.


Similarities to Lucas (Star Wars)
Plot:
-The concept that a “good” character turns “evil” (Morzan/Anakin) after a great loss (dragon/Amidala (or, alternatively, Anakin’s mother)
-The concept of a mother (Selena/Amidala) having two children (Murtagh & Eragon/Leia & Luke) who are separated and meet later under difficult circumstances.
-The concept that a poor farm boy (Eragon/Luke) has a greater heritage than he realizes (Morzan/Anakin)
-The concept that a poor farm boy (Eragon/Luke) lives with a close relative (Uncle Garrow/Uncle Owen) because of his mother’s premature death
-The concept that, just before capture, a princess (Arya/Leia) sends something (Dragon Egg/R2D2) far away to protect something (Saphira/recording).
-The concept that a poor farm boy (Eragon/Luke) picks up said something while doing regular work (hunting/trading)
-The idea that a poor farm boy loses his uncle (Uncle Garrow/Uncle Owen) to the hands of "the Empire"
-The passing on of a weapon (Zar’roc/lightsaber) from father to son (Morzan & Eragon/Anakin & Luke) through another source (Brom/Obi Wan Kenobi)
-The concept of a wise old man who is among the last of a declining resistance (Brom/Obi Wan Kenobi) teaching the descendant of a once-friend-now-rival (Morzan/Anakin)
-The concept of a group of "good" rebels bent on destroying "the Empire"
-The concept of an initial battle (Battle of Farthen Dur/Battle of the Death Star) which is ultimately won
-The concept of a new teacher (Oromis/Yoda) who takes the place of the old one (Brom/Obi Wan) under certain circumstances and present also lessons of philosophy
-Father/Son Revelations

Similarities to Tolkien(The Lord of the Rings and general Middle-earth)
Names:
-Eragon (Aragorn)
-Arya (Arwen)
-Elessari (Elessar)
-Valinor (Valinor)
-Beor (Beorn)
-The Lonely Mountain (The Lonely Mountain)
-Melian (Melian)
-Morgothal (Morgoth)
-Isenstar (Isengard)
-Imiladris (Imladris)
-Hadarac Desert (Harad Desert)
-Mithrim (mithril)
-Eridor (Eriador)
-Angrenost (Angrenost)
-Furnost (Fornost)
-The Grey Folk (The Grey Folk)


Setting/Back Story:
-The concept that Elves are very beautiful, tall, and have hyper-keen senses, and extraordinary voices
-The idea that Elves are closely linked with nature; houses in trees
-The details of the Dwarfish religion
-The idea that Dwarves and Elves feud
-The concept that Elves came from “over the sea”
-The concept of Elvish immortality, except in cases of heart break and mortal wounds
-The concept of Elf-Human relationships (and the length to which one must go to achieve it)
-The concept that Dwarves are a rough, gruff, rock-loving race with great skill in gem and stone crafting
-The concept that elves do not sleep, but merely dream
-The map that is practically a replica

Plot:
-Love interest between Man (Eragon/Aragorn) and Elf (Arya/Arwen) and the great lengths required to fulfil it

I'm still waiting for July 7,2007

Santa has left the building

So, Christmas has come and gone. I guess I was a bad girl this year because my dad didn't give me any Christmas presents. On the other hand, the rest of the family did.

Lex gave me a Snow White.
Wilde gave me a Stitch.
Yazmin gave me a stuffed penguin.
Mom gave me a certificate for 2 dvds.
I gave myself a new flatiron.

I better be a good girl next year or daddy won't get me anything again.

Merry Christmas

On behalf of Morris, Stitchie and myself, we would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas. Hopefully this holiday is more that present buying and excessive binging on yummy treats. No matter what religion or faith you have, may this be a time of reflection, happiness and peace to you and those you love.

I hope you were good so Santa will bring your presents.

I already got mine!

The Big Bad Wolf

I remember when I was at HTC, my brother Ian would excitedly check out the new merchendise. The merchendise was actually the pack of new girls. I would watch him, Mike and Alfredo stare at them and select the one they would go after. As if they were steaks. I always felt sorry for those girls. After all, three hungry wolves were waiting to hunt them down.

With less than 2 weeks at the office, I'm starting to get those feelings of being up for auction. I feel like Little Red Riding Hood dodging the Big Bad Wolf. It might be my paranoia. That never helps. I'm a natural flirt, so I hope I don't send the wrong message across. Let's see what happens.

Let the games begin

Back to normal

There we are. Another dark picture of myself. This is who I am. An average goth chic that struggles to have a normal life. Or whatever that is. I admit, sometimes I like complicated things.

Lately I've noticed that my blue streaks give me a younger appearance. Many have said I look 22. It could also be the fact that I'm still doing the goth thing and many think only teens or young adults do it.

It's not that I refuse to grow up. It's just me. I've finally gotten to a point where I'm very comfortable with who I've become. My outer covering is begining to reflect who hides in the inside.

I've realized that the old saying is true. Women are like wine. They get better as they age. I'm possibly at my peak physically speaking. I'm not the naive girl I was. I've proven to be more than hard working and dedicated. I've continued to be a loyal and devoted friend. I've become a more understanding and caring lover.

Who is willing to prove that?

Pink!

THe kind of thing a girl has to do to show suppport at work. That's right, everyone's favorite goth girl had to wear a pink tshirt. I still can't believe I survived two hours and a half of public exposure in pink.

There I was, handing out panflets of the new construction project my company has, giving out candy and balloons to the kids. Of course, the day I didn't want to see anyone was the day I bumped into everyone. That made me seem extremely popular. Ironic for my antisocial attitude.

Some say I look cute others think I look scary. All I have to say is that if pink is really my color, I'm not ready to admit it.

At least not in this lifetime

She's mine

Well, as of today I am the proud mother of Gothica. Gothica is a cute orphan that is as evil as she is cute. She carries around her plush named Stitches. You can adopt your own Precious Miseries orphan here

Name: Gothica
Month of Birth: February
Favorite Color: Violet
Favorite Pastime: Mischieviously scheming and playing with her StiTcheS plushie.
Weakness For: StiTcheS merchandise
Family Relations: Older sister
Close Friends: Kojin and Obake
Information: Gothica is the 'leader' of the younger pranksters and second to enter the manor. She uses her evil cuteness to her advantage and always carries her StiTcheS plushie. Gothica also has an older sister, but refuses to give her any attention and prefers to keep it her little secret.

You've got to be kidding

Greetings,


There’s a great job opportunity waiting for you! We have received your information, but we were unable to contact you. Please refer to 10011029 on schedules 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. as soon as possible.

Hispanic

When I saw this in my inbox on Monday evening I was highly offended. How dare they email me with an offer to be a rep! Honestly, what are they playing. First they tell me that communication isn't important and now they have a great job opportunity. What on Earth are they thinking?

Fortunately I now have a job. Very challenging at a growing company. Benefits that I never thought I could have. Most rewarding of all, with a paycheck that makes the effort worth it.

I did call back. To request removal of my information from HTC databases. They made the offer again. of course I refused. I wouldn't go back to where I started. I would pick up where I left off though. I emailed the HD director with that same email.

It felt so good to say, thanks but I have something better.

Request granted

Take your time with it. You have all the time you need.
All the time in the world.

-Allan Quartermain/LXG

A couple of hours ago, I spoke with a dear friend. He's been going through a lot in the past few weeks. What exactly, I don't know; yet I notice by the way he types and the silly fight we had the other day.

Sometimes the best way to support someone is by granting them time. Maybe time does cure everything.

I just hope it can mend a shattered soul.

Somethings never change

I guess one of the things that I am known for is my hability to get away with murder. I've done the craziest things with the blessings of my superiors. I've been able to earn their trust and respect and still do outstanding things.

My new job is interesting. Perhaps it doesn't compare to the thrill of the call center experience, but it has its nice things. It's nice and calm during lunch time. Schedules are very respected, compared to HTC all day experience.

Things are pretty slow now. The project is barely in its design phase. I'm starting to know the language. Getting a bit familiar with the complete organization and of course bonding with the coworkers.

I miss the overexcitement of HTC. I miss being four numbers away from a couple of my friends. I miss being able to say "I'll be at the other building in a bit". I do the other building thing, but its the building NEXT door.

The fun seems to never end.

Vacations are officially over

Yes ladies and gentlemen.The news is official. My vacations have ended. It's not at the museum where I went to an interview last week. Actually it's a pretty neat proposal. I must say the paycheck is more than tempting.

I was offered to start today. I on the other hand, needed to enjoy my last day of freedom.

I'll do exactly what you do, but I'm doing it for me.

Drama and Angust

Don't you just LOVE drama. It's everywhere if you ask me. Usually the people I love worry me to that extent. Right now I'm worried. I think something I might have said was misunderstood by my best friend. This isn't something I expected right now.

It's hard to know who to trust and who not to. This year has been very shaky for me. I thought I could trust my so called friends and I got olympically stabbed in the back. Of course they won't talk because they know I'll find out and come after them.

Dorian, this is for your eyes only. Yes, I'm writing for you. I don't want things to go weird between us. If there is something you don't understand, ask me. I can't go through another situation where I will end up losing another person I care about. That would kill me.

I know you will eventually read this. You even requested to. I hope your mind is clear ny the time you get the ideas I've tried to let out. I know I'm not easy to understand.

Why do I call you Dorian?
Because you're complicated

But I will never learn

There are lessons in life that should always go with you. Getting a good night sleep is one. Eating from the 5 basic food groups. Brush your teeth after every meal and before bed. Don't sleep with your friend's boyfriends. Don't tell the end of the book or the movie. Even if they ask.

There are other things in life that I should continue to do. One is to learn not to share my feelings. Another is to stop being a HELL of a good writter. I'm getting a bit cocky. That usually happens when . . . I am about to be exposed.

Will this be the time when my storytelling gets me in so much trouble that I'll stop. I don't know. My favorite quote is Newton's "For every action there is an equal or opposite reaction with the same magnitude".

The only thing I can do now is be strong. Stick to my guns and keep my chin up high. I've never regretted a thing I've said. I've regretted the way things have been interpreted, but that is not in my power to control.

Nothing else I can do.

The Sleepover

Sleepovers or slumber parties are things you do when you are entering your teen years. Later, when you spend the night at a friend's house it's because you're gonna party SO hard, you'll be wasted and it's better to stay there than go back home. OR. My personal favorite. You're really spending the night with your guy, but used your friend as an alaby.

This past weekend, an unexpected sleepover happened. My friend Angie came over from the city. Mexico City. As always Kim and I were waiting for her. We met a couple of years back at MARCO. Angie was the Volunteer Coordinator, Kimmie was a new volunteer and I was working there. Kim reported to Angie and we shared kids during summer camp.

If you see us apart you would never guess what we're doing together. I guess it's our love for art that glued us. Angie is six years my senior and Kimmie is six years my junior. A marketer, and advertiser and an aspiring politician.

When Angie got here, we agreed to get together and have dinner. Of course time flies and we finished around 11. We took Angie to where she was staying. She was staying with a collegue. Kim suggested a sleepover the following day. She lived closer to where Angie was working and as always we add the fun to dysfunctional.

We got together the following day at the supermarket. Perfect place to stock up. Chips, candy, cookies, peanuts, brownies, chocolate cakes and soft drinks. Ready to be eaten by the terrible trio.

I had a date so I was late to Kim's house. The minute I stepped inside, I changed into my pjs. We went to the kitchen and snacked. It was 3 AM and we were having a munchie attack. We got fed up of Sin City and went to watch Goblet of Fire.

Angie was the first one to call it a night. Kim left me about 30 minutes before the end of the movie. I turned off the TV when the movie was over and retired to the bedroom. Angie was snoring by then.

I was awakened by the sound of water . Kim and I got up. Angie needed to get to work. She wanted to call a cab. Kim insisted on taking her. So, in pjs Kim and I dropped Angie at work. We needed coffee desperately.

We made it to her house. We made it to the kitchen and began munching on brownies and chocolate cakes. We watched Scary Movie IV and The Omen. Kim's dad said we should do something useful. That's when Kim brought me home. In pjs.

I guess no matter what age you are, sleep overs will always be the ultimate girlbonding activity. I'm glad I had this recreational experience with my favorite buddies.

The date

The idea of dinner and a movie sounds too cliche. It could pass as the typical teenage first date. At the age of 26 it meant spending time with a friend. Who I happen to have a crush on. I'm a big flirt. I will never deny it. Usually it gets me into trouble. Thing is, he is also a big flirt.

Even though I adore him with all my heart, I can't bear the thought of losing him. I've lost too many friends through flirting and flings. I've even lost the love of my life. I guess I did, it's been too long without word from him. Yet my stubborn heart still has hope.

Throughout the week we planned the date. The movies we would watch and what would we do. My personal demon: my outfit. I didn't want something too revealing, but I didn't want to look like a boy. I needed to look confidently decent. By Friday, I had chosen a black turtleneck and dark blue jeans. My hair was straight and minimal make-up.

I meet him. He looks completely sin worthy. I would have jumped on him. Instead we did small talk. It was the first time that we had enough time to get to really know each other. We went for dinner at my favorite Chinese restaurant. Acording to him I barely ate.

We went to his place. He showed me his comic book collectio, amoung other things. Then we went to the bedroom to watch the movies. He chose Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. We laughed at the Oompa Loompas. Once it was over, he chose LXG. I knew that movie would mean trouble. Specially because of Dorian and Mina.

We had to interrupt the movie, because I had to leave. My sleepover friends were complaining about me being late. He drove me over to Kim's house. He took his sweet time to get there. We even got lost. When we made it to Kim's, I kissed him good night and walked away.

It was very hard to resist the temptation of making out with him or worse sleeping with him. I wouldn't mind. He's drop dead cute. I simply wouldn't like things to get akward between us. Or worse, we could simply avoid each other. That would completely blow it. There goes another friendship.

Yes, I deserve a medal for resisting temptation.

Flirty conversations

So, I haven't learned my lesson. After what happened at the party the flirting has increased. To my disgrace or fortune, this new twist in my life. I'm not suffering around the corners for the guy I love, which is a nice change. Even though I must admit I would love the flirting to be with him.

We went for coffee on Sunday. It was a simple cup of joe from the Seven 11. We had a nice long conversation at his place. It was nice to just sit there and talk. I dragged him to dinner. I couldn't go to dinner with him for his birthday, so I made it up for him.

I forced him to eat and to laugh a bit. My cousin was there and two other friends. We've been flirting over instant conversations. He's gotten to know a lot of me that other don't know in the past days. He's seen old pictures of me from high school and from my first job.We're still flirting with the idea of having a movie weekend.

Don't know what we'll do, if just dinner and movies at home or dinner and cinema. I just want to distract myself from my reality and get him out of his depressed rut.

I just don't want things to get weird between us.

Party Aftermath

I guess I will never learn. Nope, not in a million years. I went to a party organized by one of my former coworkers. It was actually a staff party for my former job. I had been out of the office for two months and missed most of those guys dearly. Of course when I got the invite, I said I would go. When a couple of friends found out, they insisted that I couldn't back out.

So I got to the club where the party would be. I dressed casually. I used my favorite combination, blue and black. Jeans and a blouse. Straightened hair and minimal make up. Before I even stepped inside the club, I was already hugging people and telling them how much I missed them.

Once inside, the loud music, the waiters and cigarrette smoke filled the area. I started spotting friends and went over to say hi. They all noticed that I have continued to lose weight and complimented my looks. One said I should dedicate a hate song to the guy I'm in love with. That same guy pinched my ass.

While I was doing the social thing, I spotted my long time crush and good friend. We immediately hugged. I told him I was going with some friends, he said he would stay where he was. I spotted him from afar and he was alone. A couple of minutes later he made his way to where I was.

He had drunk a little, but he wasn't wasted. We stated talking and then to my suprise I found myself dancing with him. I hadn't done a sensual hip dance in a long time. Lucky guy. One thing lead to an other and before I realized I had my arms around his neck and we kissed.

I backed away a bit and told him that I didn't want to ruin things. He said he agreed. We continued dancing and snuggling. Then he said it. Stay with me. I told him to ask me the same thing when he was sober.

He got completely wasted. Eventually, he told me to go with him for a hot dog. I tagged along to take care of him. I was practically holding him up. He asked for the impossible, the get the guy that was taking us home and not leave him. Sweet little angel wanted to test my witchy habilities.

In the car, he started to scold me and remind me that I had left him 2 months ago and at the party. I started to reason with him, but then decided to simply apologize. We got to his appartment and waited until he got a bit better. When I was about to leave he asked me why I wasn't going to spend the night with him. I blamed my mother.Back in the car, he was holding me.

If I really didn't care for him as much as I do, I would've stayed. I know both of us would end up hurt, and possibly lose the relationship we have. Will our significant others find out what happened? I don't know.

Now I have to be very smart about how I manage things with him.

Happy Thanksgiving

I remember when I was a kid the huge commotion I would make around Thanksgiving. After all, it's a tradition from my native country but not for my parents. I learned about the holiday at school. Every year, while I was in San Antonio there was the traditional play and we would make turkey puppets and stuff. At home we would have a small dinner or have dinner with our neighbors.

When we moved to Mexico, I began whining about not having Thanksgiving. My main concern was the dinner, but then I would get sentimental and think about that feeling of sharing with those you barely know. It makes you feel good with yourself.

This Thanksgiving is different. My dad forgot to buy the turkey. Of course, others say "Well go buy one at HEB". It's not the same thing. You know homemade Thanksgiving lunch or dinner is special. It's not like you can buy it at anystore. At least to me.

So I didn't get my turkey, I'll have to wait till Christmas. Aside from the dinner and the football. Thanksgiving is more than that. It's being able to turn back and be grateful for the things you've been blessed with.

This year I'm grateful for having found the love of my life. I'm grateful that my parents are together and healthy. That my kid sister is in her last year of college and preparing her thesis. That my other sister and her family are ok, even if they are so many miles away. I am grateful for being able to hold on to my old friends and for finding several precious new ones.

I'm grateful for remaining alive. For my so-called emotional stability and for being able to keep my strong character even though the circumstances should have broken me into pieces a long time ago.

Thank you life for everything.

The body

Yeah, that's me. The one without a head. There are three things you could recognize me by if you know me. My ankh, my ring and my bracelet. Those that know me even better would recognize my legs. Hey they are my pride and joy, my only asset.

The purpose of the picture was to make fun of the excessive cleavage I have. At least for my standards. I see it, and I only see myself. A couple of friends saw this picture and they screamed at me. You're way to thin.

Honestly. I started the year with almost 100 over. I'm 45 down. The year isn't over yet. I hope I hit the big 5 before New Year's. That would be awesome. It's funny because this year I didn't make weight loss one of my resolutions.

I must admit I owe the last 16 pounds to my depression. That doesn't matter, to the public eye and in my friend Peter's words I look fantastic. Funny how the biggest sadness of my life has made me look so good. Kinda ironic.

I don't consider myself beautiful and much less thin. I know I should be careful. My former bulimic tendencies might want to arise. I've been strong this time around. I've done all this without falling into my old habits. Only diet and my corset.

I only hope you consider me your type of girl.

Thinking of you

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby,
now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby,
now that I found you, stay..

Today was a strange day. Someone asked me about you, and if I had considered working for you. I of course said no. No I haven't considered it and no I haven't asked you.

Later in the evening, I got a call from a dear friend. He had an extra ticket to a concert. I don't like the band, but I thought some distraction would do me good. At the concert, it took me a while to get acuanted and in the mood.

So, I'm there pretending to dance. I'm not much of a dancer. When out of the blue the singer chants the song that you would sing to me.

Bumbed me out to say the least. Made the fact that I miss you extremely sink in deeper.

I just want you here with me.

I so need to finish

This is my bedroom. It is in caos. No really. I've been trying to restore some order in my room, but it seems impossible. I'm heading towards my fourth week in hard work.

I've taken out plenty trash bags and a couple of others with clothes. Now, only a couple of details are missing. I just don't know where to put some of these things. The final step will be to take my bedspread over to the dry cleaners and change the sheets.

This weekend is my last chance.

Stability and consistance, that's all I need.

Confession

My name is Amethyst. I am an alcoholic. It's not something to be taken lightly. I have openly expressed my disgust to those that drink for no apparent reason. They say the first step is to aknowledge. I guess today is my lucky day.

I usually drink a mixed beverage like a piña colada every 2 months or so. It had been a while, in July I drank during my friend Brenda's birthday weekend. Two bottles of Boone's and some strawberry vodka mixture. I had gone earlier in the month for a drink with the love of my life.

In August came the tragedy. It was in early September when I went for another drink with Monica and Jessica. When I got my blue highlights I went for another with Wilde. Then I had a bottle of Boone's during a party and another drink that same night. Take into consideration that those drinks are not average glasses, they are 1 quart servings.

During dinner with Lizh, I had a piña colada. I went to dinner with my friends from MARCO. I had a piña colada and a mudslide. At Lillian's wedding I had two piña coladas. Last week at the exhibit opening I went for another mudslide and on Saturday I had another piña colada.

That's a grand total of 3 bottles, 2 mudslides and 8 piña coladas in less than 3 months. An exagerated amount of alcohol for my standards. I need to control this. I can't let my depression sink me into a light alcohol problem.

Maybe I am more depressed than what I think.

Missing smile sighted

Rare shot of an honest laugh after a mental image of the genetic monster my unborn child would be. A cute little monster. Of course, each mother has an ideal. Mine would be: his hair, my forehead, his brows, my eyes, my nose, his smile, my mouth. Then of course Lex has to come along and tell me, you're gonna get the opposite. Honestly, poor kid.

It's been a long time since I've flashed an honest smile. I've been very gloomy lately. Its a combination of sadness, light depression, sense of longing and the simple fact that I miss him dearly.

As Dumbledore would say, dark times arise. I think I'm walking the path of what's right, because it hasn't been easy. I've survived. I've managed to live these months, yet daily I feel the struggle with myself to keep going.

It's so hard without you.

Story

"Begin at the beginning,and go till you come to the end; then stop. "

King of Hearts/Alice in Wonderland

Once upon a time, there was a girl that felt very lonely. Her heart was weak from the numerous desceptions it had suffered. Every time she tried to lift her head proudly, she would flash a fake smile. Yes she was proud of who she was, yet she was sad.

The sadness was because she felt she had gotten to a point in her life where all the effort was worthless. Where no one valued her devotion and dedication.

After 26 years she had found the love of her life. She had never felt like that before. There was an instant connection. The rush and excitement of finally finding the one which was worthy of spending the rest of eternity with.

Unfortunately, she was late. The toad prince was already at another castle. Everyday since she realized he was the one, she had shed tears. Tears of frustration, saddness, hope and love. She wonders if one day things will turn around and be right. She can only hug her plush companion every night and dream.

I hope things turn around.

Snow Fright and the evil apple pie

Out of all the Disney princesses the one that I could possibly relate to is Snow White. I even did the Snow Fright and 7 dorks thing for my prom picture in High School.

As of last month, I am more than convinced that being Snow White is my destiny. I've never been a huge fan of apples, but I love apple pie. If you add vanilla ice cream, you had me right there. Take me now! Even when I'm on a diet, I try to endulge on an apple pie when I go to Starbucks every month with Sara.

Two weeks ago, I got together with some friends. We went to this adorable coffee shop I like downtown. The moment we walked in, we spotted the sweets trolly. I felt like if I was on the Hogwarts Express. They looked kinda shabby. I had faith that they looked like that because they were on display. You never know at those funky coffee shops.

We ordered our coffees. I had an Infinity shake. Its made up of vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup and coffee liquer. Topped with whipped cream. Completely sinful. I decided to go for the apple temptation.

The pie looked just like the one in the trolley. I honestly don't know if it was my imagination or if it really tasted funny. I wasn't as happy after the first bite. I didn't even finish it.

Two days later, I was stuck in bed. Suffering from cold sweat and a slight fever. The following day, I was stuck in the bathroom. I felt like complete crap.

Slowly I've been getting better. Apple pies are still tempting, but no more pies from funky little coffee shops. This princess thing is more dangerous than I thought.

I got the drawves, I got the apple temptation, now let's find that handsome prince.

1 White + 5 Black = Bride and Bridesmaids

Lucy,Judit,Alicia, Lillian, me and Marina

Another one of my friends joins the line of the dreaded Mrs. club. I have 2 groups of friends. Very different one from another. One striking difference is that even though some are getting married, one group has gotten married because they got pregnant. This is the group that hasn't taken THE STEP due to a pregnancy.

The 5 of us met about 3 or 4 years ago at MARCO. Monterrey's Museum of Contemporary Art. We were hostesses or tour guides for kids. We're very different, but there's this bond that I can't describe that brings us together.

Judit got married last year. I don't even remember why I didn't go to her wedding. Last month Lillian sent us an email telling us she was getting married. We immediately organized a small get together to talk about the wedding. In that email she sent a small but effective blackmail message, you're my only friends.

We went for dinner two weeks ago. Talked about the old days, caught up with our lives. When Lillian left, she said that it would be cool if we dress up in the same color. Ana said pink. I said hell no. Lucy said she knew someone that could get the job done for us.

The adventure began like that, selecting the dress and getting measured. Choosing a nice wedding present. Finding a van and a driver to get us there. The party was going to be at a quinta around 2 hours from downtown Monterrey.

By Friday we had the dresses and I had bought the presents. Saturday was THE DAY. I began getting ready since 11 am. Marina came to pick up her dress at 10. Keep in mind the 2 hour drive and that the wedding was at 4. I had to be ready by 1. I wrapped the presents and got primped.

Lucy picked me up and we drove off to MARCO. Very appropiate I must say. Alicia was there. I went for a snack. On my way back I saw Marina and Judit. We got in the van and began our trip. Some were getting ready in the car, while others were eating. I was eating. We made a 90 minute trip. Great timing.

Once we got there. We saw the place was empty. No decorations no nothing. We started getting he lights ready. The judge was already there. Perhaps the bride wanted to make an entrance. Once they got there, they proceeded with the ceremony. We started taking pictures and enjoying ourselves.

After they were legally married, we continued decorating. With that overwith, we sat down at our table. The newlyweds made their entrance and had their dance. We were all over the cameras, taking pics. We took pictures with Lillian. We even carried her. I suddenly realized that her little blackmail was the truth. We were her only friends.

We had dinner. Then the bar opened, and it tasted like trouble. So there we were, drinking and chatting. Judit was the first one to go change. Yes we were prepared, we took some jeans because we knew it was going to get chilly. About an hour later, Lucy and I got changed. I don't remember at what time Alicia went to take of the dress. Marina forgot to bring a pair of jeans. Mental note, take a spare pair of jeans for Marina next time.

The drinking continued, so did the picture taking. By 11ish we were getting tired. Judit called our driver to come pick us up. We left around midnight. Alicia had a bit too much. She went to the bathroom before we left. Someone grabbed a plastic bag. That was the smartest move. We hadn't hit the road when Alicia was already puking.

I got off at the nearest Oxxo for a Gatorade. The bag was my main concern. She finally fell asleep. We were in Monterrey by 1:30 am. First stop was Lucy's house. Judit and Alicia stayed with her. I was the second one to be left at home. Marina was the last one.

We spent 12 hours together and survived. We have over 200 pictures of just a couple of hours. Mina says we should do it again sometime. I agree.

There are times when I feel like I do want to get married. Last night was one of those days.

Now, if I can only get the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Remembering those that left before us

Trick or Treat

Candy. Jack o'lanterns. Witches. Broomsticks. Monsters. Superheros. Things that remind me of how fun it was to be a kid. I was 6 when my cousin Ozzie took me trick or treating for the first time. We were living in Houston. I guess there weren't many kids in the neighborhood. Mom says it looked like we were the only ones dressed up and demanding candy.

The following year we were in San Antonio. Things were different. Mom would take us to different neighborhoods in the surrounding areas. Mainly for the candy, but also to see the impressive decorations. Houses dressed up for the occasion.

The sky was jet black, but it seemed like a tranquil afternoon where kids were running up to others yards asking for candy. It was all fun and games.

Costumes were a huge deal. I remember dressing up as a witch, an angel, a devil, Rainbow Brite, a tiger and I think a butterfly.

Unfortunately now, I live in Mexico. Where Halloween is literally banned by the Catholic Church. It still doesn't stop those candy enthusiasts.

I hope by next year I'll have the desire to dress up and remember what's it like to be a kid on a dark Halloween night.

Happy Trick or Treating.

I shall call it, mini me

A Sunday like this, but eleven years ago; the most beautiful October moon gave its first reflection. It took the name of Selena Aurora. Like the moon, she had creamy white skin and glisening green-grey eyes.

Sweet and adoable were the first words that would come to your mind when you tried to describe her. A baby that would only cry when hungry or felt lonely.

She was perfection turned into flesh. There was nothing else that a woman could ask for. Perhaps only to spend more time with her.

There was nothing more enchanting than watching her sleep. As she grew, she began to recognize those around her. As soon as the heard the sound of my voice, she would crawl as fast as her little body could take her towards me. She would smile and look up at me, so I could pick her up.

The strong resemblance we have began to become noticable. We would call her my mini me. She calls herself mini me nowadays. Simple things such as food preferences or favorite colors and complicated things like personality traits or certain reactions are things we have in common. To me, its like living my childhood again, to her, its taking a peek into her future. It's a huge responsability to be her role model. I have to strive for perfection, because she thinks I'm perfect.

We are so similar that it's hard to stay happy for a moment. There were times when we would be at each other's throats. We've both grown up a bit, and enjoy every moment we get to spend together. Whether it be over the phone or physical.

As her birthdays and Christmases came and went, her Winnie the Pooh collection began to grow. I try to get her neat presents, but I'm very careful about not spoiling her.

One thing she has said. She wants to be my only baby. Jealous and possessive. Just like me. I don't know if I can keep that desire she has, because I'm anxious about having my twins. What I can do, is be with her along the way. Support her in everything she does. Grant almost every wish she has. Love her, no matter what she does.

I love you sweetie, from day one and forever.

Pain

Oh yes, I am in pain. I'm not talking about the emotional thing just now. I'm physically in pain. I've been in bed for two days now. Cold sweat, fever, tummyache. That and the fact that in former days I've been having evil cravings. If I knew better, I would think I'm preggers.

Don't know what's going on with me right now. I feel terribly weak. I wish I had the strength to keep going. I've spent the last days mostly asleep.

Talking about other things . . . you!!! I was told today that in my sleep. Or agony. I called out for you. I can't believe it. Here I am, dying and you are still the only thing I think about.

I love you, hope you manage to realize that.

Memories

A couple of Octobers ago, I did what I thought I would never do. Yup, I was on radio. The most infamous English talk show in town. The Ricky G show. Staring Ricky of course.

We had the graveyard show. A couple of in house celebreties that would only make the show better and funnier. Characters such as the Nena, the Old Man, Jorge, Osama and other things that Ricky's creativity would allow him to come up with.

Loved or hated, the show had a loyal fanbase.

Miss those crazy days

MKT Simposium

Since I began my advertising minor, I began to hunt for and learn about different marketing and advertising trends. One of the best marketing forums in the city happens once a year at the Marketing Simposium at the ITESM.

Throught the past years I've been able to listen to on a first hand basis to the best in marketing, such as Marc Gobe and Laura Ries; and MarComm managers from companies such as Absolut, Disney, Interbrand, Sony, Eurocopter, Xbox and MTV. Nothing compares to getting first dibs of a segmentation analisis for a new product or to have the consecuences of a campaign explained to you.

This year, I went alone. It was a very enriching expierence. Even though I didn't go to all of the parties, I did meet some interesting people. I also learned that my dream master does exist. The only drawback, its at Guadalajara.

It's the perfect master: Master in Advertising and Corporate Communication. I even love the way it sounds. I've decided that if I don't find a job soon, I might begin to check everything to prepare for a 2 year move out of town.

Mom already warned me that Morris would have to come along with me. Don't know what will happen. I need to write to the UAG and check what I have to do. I am in the perfect situation. I don't have a job that binds me to Monterrey. I don't have a steady boyfriend that might cry a river for me. Even though I wish I did. I only have my parents and friends.

I hope I can think with a cold mind.

Putting our pieces together

This week, Morris and I lost Shy. I shared 16 years of my life with her, Morris was part of the last 10. Shy was the sugar topping on our daily activities. She would let me know when Morris wanted to come back into the house. She would also pick up Morris before bedtime.

I lost a baby and Morris lost her sister. We both have been a bit glum lately. Morris has been sleeping much more than before. She has also been looking for me much more than in past months. She has never liked to be alone.

I on the other hand, resent the house's newly aquiered silence. It's strange to see her food and not have anyone to give it to. Or to see that Morris doesn't finish off her tuna, and then it spoils; because Shy would always come and finish those things off.

It's a different start for us. We were used to being three and now we are two. I am aware that if I leave, I will need to take her with me. I fear that if I'm gone, sadness will consume her.

Time to start rebuilding the shattered hearts.

She's gone

Shy
August 1990 - October 2006

I promise I'll write her obituary soon. I'm too heartbroken right now.

Sad

It hasn' been a very good begining of the month. Even if we'r midmonth already. My pet fish died last week. The book fair is really crappy this year. My pet cat looks very weak. I am aware she is rather old. She's 16. She was fine two days ago. Yesterday I noticed she was having trouble walking. Today she could barely move. She's resisting, and I hope she makes it through the night, but I'm not sure.

I just hope things get better.

Transformation Status: Complete

It's until this moment that I'm looking at this picture that I've realized.
I use black to highlight blue.

This is the woman I am. I am 26 years old. Smart and talented. Confident and determined. It's been a painful transformation. Lossing 45 pounds in less than a year and changing 4 different dress sizes is very exhausting. The sacrifice is huge. The last pizza I ate was last June.

Sure, I've misbehaved during my diet and drank chocolate milk or had a slice of apple pie. The next day I have to make up for that.

I still have to go shopping for new clothes. As of now, I am very pleased with who I have become. I've regained my vanity and my appeal to the opposite sex.

I love being me.

And I hope you love the girl I've become.

Vanity my favorite sin

Vain. A completely new word to me. At least thats what I think. Of course if you ask my brother Ian, he'll have a very different opinion.

My life

In my life I decide and it turns me on,
How I am, how I live, who I love
In my way I feel strong and it turns me on
In my life, I decide, I decide

Times had gone when you would say
This is the one and seize the day
Times had gone for honesty
My victory is your defeat
Can't you see you've been mistaken

All you do you can't deny
It's waste of time, waste of life
Can I suggest that you invest
In something more than hopelessness
Before you know the ride is over

In my life I decide and it turns me on,
How I am, how I live, who I love
In my way I feel strong and it turns me on
In my life, I decide, I decide

The record shows that you're dead but you're still living
Every time you have died you have been given
Another chance to fix your bad attitude
And make a move, it's up to you

It's up to you if we give it up, give it up

I have officially found my new anthem. Yes, it definetly feels good to be the master designer of what happens with your life and not depend on what others expect of you. Doesn't matter if they think you're wrong or you could be better off. It's my choice not yours. That's why you have your own life. You mess with it.

I love being able to fall in love with whom I want. Right now I'm still in love with that person that makes me so mad, but can also make me feel powerful and delicate. As strange the combination sounds, thats what I love about him. Yes I love him. I don't care what everyone else says or does or thinks.

I feel empowered by being able to wear the color contacts I want or the color of my hair. Chosing the clothes that I wear or what I eat. Not being a follower and self encouraging my unique taste in music and other entertainment.

I feel like myself again.

Little girl lost . . . found!

God bless Finnish music

Much of the music of Finland is influenced by Karelian traditional tunes and lyrics, as comprised in the Kalevala. Karelian culture is perceived as the purest expression of the Finnic myths and beliefs, less influenced by Germanic influence, in contrast to Finland's position between the East and the West. Finnish folk music has undergone a roots revival in recent decades, and has become a part of popular music. The people of northern Finland, the Sami, have their own musical traditions, collectively Sami music.

Modern Finnish popular music includes a renowned death metal scene, in common with other Nordic countries, as well as a number of prominent rock bands, jazz musicians and hip hop performers. Iskelmä (coined directly from the German word Schlager, meaning hit) is a traditional Finnish word for a light popular song. Finnish popular music also includes a large amount of opera and various kinds of dance music; tango, a style of Argentinian music, is also popular.

Nightwish, Amorphis, Waltari, Stratovarius, Kotipelto, Sentenced, Sonata Arctica, Children of Bodom, Charon, HIM, and The 69 Eyes have had success in European and Japanese heavy metal and hard rock scenes since the 1990s, and has been gaining popularity rapidly in the United States since the late 1990s. In the later 1990s the symphonic metal group Apocalyptica played Metallica cover songs as cello quartettos and sold half a million records worldwide. The recently retired Timo Rautiainen & Trio Niskalaukaus were one of Finland's most popular metal acts in the early 2000s, having risen from the ashes of late 1980s – early 1990s cult band Lyijykomppania.

Another band to enjoy recent commercial success is The Rasmus. After eleven years together and several domestic releases, the band finally captured Europe. Their Dead Letters album sold 1.5 million units worldwide and garnered them eight gold and five platinum album designations. The single "In The Shadows" placed on Top 10 charts in eleven countries and was the most played video on MTV Europe for 2005.

Most recently, the Finnish hard rock/heavy metal band Lordi won the 2006 Eurovision Song Contest with a record 292 points, giving Finland its first ever victory. The song they used was the controversial "Hard Rock Hallelujah" and they celebrated the victory with a free concert in the Market Square in Helsinki, Finland, on May 26, 2006.

Enough about Finnish musical history! Today I went to the first The Rasmus concert in Monterrey. It definetely kicked major ass. There was no opening act, a full adrenaline packed show. There were some funny moments, like when Eero wore a silly hat and hummed the Old McDonald tune and the one that touched my heart was when Lauri ran to take a breath from his inhaler. His asthma doesn't stop him. Hats off to the man.

I need a trip to Finland just to check out the local bands.

Who wants to come along?

Long live King Krak

Kraken Pot Hashish

January 30,2006 - October 11,2006

In late January, 4 people (Arturo,Brenda,Ian and I) went on a petstore mission. The objective: to find a betta fish that would be a worthy heir for the title HTC's most beautiful fish that Cleo once had. We went to + cota and no fish was of my liking.

I imagine that Arturo sensed my sorrow for Cleo's loss that he accepted to go to Plaza Fiesta to seek another petstore. Arriving at the store, all we begin to look. Ian and Arturo chose the heir. I bought a castle. How could a king rule his kingdom without a castle! No one would take him seriously.

Once the full freedom quota was paid, we took the prince to his new realm. A name, what name would be good?. Easy to learn, but with a strong meaning. After thinking a while, Arturo suggested Kraken. Name of a mythological beast, a gigantic squid that could sink large embarkations. Ian quickly deformed the name and turned it into Krak. Little after Pot Hashish was added.

He did not delay in learning its name, nor in recognizing the cry of "who is the most beautiful fish in HTC". Krak listened all my conversations. Listened me to fight with my best friend by phone or in person, make strang designs or simply hang out with Arturo, write articules for the Tribune and fight with vendors. He saw me to suffer the departure of my mentor/boss and of my best friend, the enormous fights with my supervisor and of my complots/confessions with JB.

Extremely hyperactive, Krak took advantage of the space he had at home. He concentrated on a possible strategy to invade his own castle. Observed to Muffin, Cleo's widow , with great contempt and flirted with a postcard that had 3 fairies. He did not like pictures.

In summer, when the trailers for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest appeared I promised I could take him to watch the film and see the beast where his name was taken, instead we played the trailer in my computer.

Unlike Cleo, Krak was almost exclusively an office fish. He met his family (my family) during a long weekend we took. We returned to work again and everything was like always. When we left HTC, Krak left in his HTC contanier.

At home, I placed in the kitchen; next to Leach. Always more active thant his cousin, but more reserved. Used to his solitude and his castle. During the mornings it became a routine for the three of us to watch TV and prepare breakfast as well as lunch.

Today, during our routine, It all seemed well. We had breakfast, while prepared the lunch I did my usual displays of affection (how can you hold or pet a fish), I left to talk with Lex over the phone. When I returned, I went towards the fishbowls. I called his name. I couldn't see him. I moved his bowl. Something moved. It was his small lifeless body.

The king is dead. Long live the king.

Strawberries and Cream

I feel so totally weak right now. Don't know what's wrong with me. I feel extremely hot, but if you touch me I'm cold. I also have a headache and my tummy is bloated. Perhaps its beluga time once more.

I was suppossed to have cereal with fruit for dinner; yet mom says that when you have a fever you can't consume dairy.

Right now I have the extreme urge and desire for strawberries and cream. Instead I had cherry jello.

I want strawberries!!!!

To J with my undying love

Once upon a time we had a lot to fight for

We had a dream, we had a plan
Sparks in the air, we spread a lot of envy
Didn't have to care once upon a time

Remember when I swore
That love was never ending
And you and I would never die
Remember when I swore
We had it all

Sail away, it's time to leave
Rainy days, are yours to keep
Fade away, the night is calling my name
You will stay, I'll sail away

Once upon a time we used to burn candles
We had a place to call a home
The dream that we lived
Was better than divine
Every day was like a gift Once upon a life

Remember when you swore
Your love is never ending
And you and I would never die
Remember when you swore
We had it all We'd never fall

Sail away, it's time to leave
Rainy days are yours to keep
Fade away, the twilight is calling my name
You will stay, I'll sail away

No reason to lie
No need to pretend
I'm greatfull to die
To live once again
I'm fearless to fly
And reach for the end

Sail away
The night is calling my name

It's been 2 months

Time flies when you're having fun. I strongly believe that. It also flies when you are trying to cope a difficult situation. Perhaps not cope, but in the fragile intent to cope.

It's hard to describe what I feel exactly. Being a witch, I try to believe in fate, destiny and the three fold law. Everything you do will come back to you three times three. I'm not completely sure if this is the consecuence of all the mischief I've caused or if I'm a victim of the system.

Yesterday was officially two months since I last saw the guy I'm in love with. It doesn't embarass me to admit that I am in love. It's quite possible that I'm being foolish, but perhaps love is a foolish thing.

Some say I should take the hint. If he's avoiding me it's that it's completely over; but what if he's really busy like he claims to be. I look at myself and respond coherently that until this week I had time to let go of the household responsabilities and dedicate a couple of hours to myself.

Until last week I went to a party, I was out of the house for 4 hours. The times I've been out before were less than 3 hours away from the house and always available via moble. It was this past Thursday when I left the house for 6 hours to get my highlights done. Yazmin was home early and I could leave. On Friday, I got to the salon late because I had to make breakfast for mom, dad and the pets. I got back home 5 hours later and my mother was starving.

I miss him, with all my heart. Odd in me, I dreamt him on Thursday night. It was like if everything was ok. He said his usual things about life, love and business. I am completely aware that I might be wrong. That I placed my heart and hopes in the wrong person. Again. Yet how is a girl to find the perfect guy when she hasn't even looked.

I don't know if you still read my blogs. I don't know if you still love me. If you feel at least that warm and fuzzy feeling when you think about me. If you even think back to the time when things were better and you had a bit of courage.

I miss that guy, the brave one. The one that would know what to say in the precise moment. I miss your sly grin. The smell of your lotion. The way you get upset when I want to play with your hair. The way you get nervous when I say something smarter than you. The look you would give me before you kissed me. The way you reacted when I kissed you on instinct.

I know that if you see me, you might have a double take. I've slimmed down a size completely. My body and face look different. My hair is now black and blue. I'm wearing colored contacts and glasses to correct my vision. Vanity, my favorite sin.

Deep down inside, the smart girl that knew exactly how to work with you is there. The strange combination between a preppy Valley girl and a outspoken confident Texan girl. The combination that seduced you. The combination of a girl that left you speechless.

I love you, with all my heart. I miss you J.

Body and Soul . . . I'm a freak

Yeah, i'm a freak of nature
Yeah, i'm a freak

If only I could be as cool as you
As cool as you

Body and soul I'm a freak
I'm a freak body and soul
I'm a freak

I am completely aware that I'm not your average girl. I dress in black. Have weird taste in music. Dress in funky combinations anbd outfits. Wear colored contact lenses. Dye my hair black, when my natural tone is dark red.. Now I have blue highlights.

Today I went to get my eyes checked and ordered my glasses. I have astigmatism. I really want them for reading. It was the first time I went out with Lex after a while.

As soon as we get off from the cab. I start noticing people staring at me. Of course I thought I was being paranoid. I got the same look at the optical. I'm used to this so I simply ignored it.

We went along. We bought a couple of things. Got ice cream at Micky D's. That's when I got upset. More than 15 people had stared at me and my hair. I thought Lex hadn't noticed, then she told me that if I were on a leash, she would have started charging everyone to look at me.

Before we made it to her house, we took the midget for a check up. Even the stupid nurses were staring. I would have charged her double.

We got to her house. Fortunately her mother in law didn't notice. Her husband simply said "nice hair". That's a huge compliment coming from him.

I love being strange.

Blonde to Blue

I think my biggest rejection in life had been to blondes. Hate to admit it, but I know my genetic pool has a 50% blonde posibility. Bless my mother and her brunette genes.

I've dyed my hair in two different shades all my life: red and black. I've always wanted blue highlights. My mother would never approve.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally convinced my mother to let my get the higlights I've always wanted. "It's your money and your hair".

Yesterday, my kid sister Wilde took me to the salon she goes to. After 4 hours of bleaching my color processed hair and touching up the black roots, I was ready for the blue paint.

My roots were the first ones to adopt the beautiful sapphire blue tone. The ends were a bit hasty, all those years of coloring my hair were doing their magic.

I went back today to get the job completed. The bleaching cream was added and my hair was covered in foil. I felt like a turkey before Thanksgiving dinner. I was there, in the sun letting this cream decolor my lovely hair.

Once my hair took a golden hue it was rinsed and then, the liquid berry was added to my hair. Two consecutive applications of blue dye made my hair look the perfect compliment for my blue contacts and my sapphire ring.

A couple of minutes later it was straightened. The girls from the salon sold me the remaining of the blue dye so I can do at home touch ups. I will eventually need the first one next week.

I look like the teenage version of myself. I have the hair and recovering the body. I feel the energy and have the vibe.

I'm also in love like a teenager, but that's a different story.

Black to Blonde

Yeah, that's me. Drinking chocolate milk, which I shouldn't due to my diet. That's aluminum foil in my hair protecting the bleaching thingie that was added to my hair. Indeed, I finally did it.
I am getting my blue highlights.

Process isn't complete, I'll get it finished tomorrow. Wilde took me to the little salon that she goes to. My roots look the most beautiful blue you can imagine. I'll upload that tomorrow.

It rained of course, I was very happy. It had to stop, since Wilde's mom said we would be able to go out once the rain stopped. So it was done.

I'm excited. I look drop dead gorgeous.

I really want to see you now.

October's Loony Luna

During October, we can see the most beautiful moons. There a no other moons throughout the year that compare to the diverse coloring of this satilite in this month.

The Moon has figured in many mythologies, often paired or contrasted with the Sun. Many of the most well-known mythologies feature female lunar deities, such as the Greek goddesses Selene and Phoebe and their Olympian successor Artemis, their Roman equivalents Luna and Diana, or the Thracian Bendis. These cultures almost invariably featured a male sun god.

It is worth mentioning the cult that appeared in the Medieval Milan at the end of the 14th century. Two women from higher society, Sibillia Zanni and Pietrina de' Bugatis, were brought in 1384 and again in 1390 before the Inquisition for having claimed that, together with others - both living and dead, they worshipped the goddess Madonna Oriente. Madonna Oriente is the Italian translation of the Latin words "Domina Oriens." It has been demonstrated that this name was used to denote the Moon. Those who worshipped her were the first Inquisition victims to be burned as witches, though not the first victims of persecution as witches nor the first victims of the Inquisiton.

A feminine lunar connection is easily overstated, however, for male lunar gods are also frequent, such as Nanna or Sin of the Mesopotamians, Mani of the Germanic tribes, Thoth of the Egyptians, the Japanese god Tsukiyomi, Rahko of Finns and Tecciztecatl of the Aztecs. These cultures usually featured female Sun goddesses.

While many Neopagan authors and feminist scholars claim that there was an original Great Goddess in prehistoric cultures that was linked to the moon and formed the basis of later religions, the Great Goddess figure is highly speculative and not a proven concept. It is important to note that most of the oldest civilizations mentioned above had male lunar deities, and it was only later cultures — the classical ones most people are familiar with — that featured strong female moon goddesses.

The bull was lunar in Mesopotamia (its horns representing the crescent). In the Hellenistic-Roman rites of Mithras, the bull is prominent, with astral significance, but with no explicit connection to the moon.

The words 'lunacy," "lunatic," and "loony" are derived from Luna because of the folk belief in the moon as a cause of periodic insanity. It is a feature of modern belief that shapeshifters such as werewolves drew their power from the moon and would change into their bestial form during the full moon, but this feature is largely absent from older folklore.

The purported influence of the moon in human affairs remains a feature of astrology.

Twins

One like daddy and another like mommy

Everyone says all females have that maternal instinct. I've always wanted to be a mommy. When I heard there were twins in the family, I couldn't wait to get my hands on a couple. Specially after reading about the Weasely twins and the mischief they create.

Twins are two individuals who have shared the uterus during a single pregnancy and are usually, but not necessarily, born in close succession. Due to the limited size of the mother's womb, multiple pregnancies are much less likely to carry to full term than singleton births, with twin pregnancies usually lasting around 34 to 36 weeks. Since premature births can have health consequences for the babies, twin births are often handled with special precautions.

There are five variations of twinning that occur commonly in the world. The three most common variations are all fraternal: (1) boy-girl twins are the most common result, at about 40% of all twins born; (2) girl fraternal twins; (3) boy fraternal twins. The last two are identical: (4) girl identical twins and (5) (least common) boy identical twins.

Fraternal twins (commonly known as "non-identical twins") When two eggs are independently fertilized by two different sperm cells, fraternal twins result. Like any other siblings, have a very small chance of having the exact same chromosome profile, but most likely have a number of different chromosomes that distinguish them. Like any other siblings, fraternal twins may look very similar, particularly given that they are the same age.

However, fraternal twins may also look very different from each other. They may be a different sex or the same sex. Mixed-race twins, or twins born to parents of mixed racial origin, can vary considerably in their skin colouration and other features.

Identical twins occur when a single egg is fertilized to form one zygote (monozygotic) which then divides into two separate embryos. This is not considered to be a hereditary trait, but rather an anomaly that occurs in birthing at a rate of about 1:150 births worldwide, regardless of ethnic background.

Identical twins are genetically identical (unless there has been a mutation in development) and they are the same gender. (On extremely rare occasions, an original XXY zygote may form monozygotic boy/girl twins by dropping the Y chromosome for one twin and the extra X chromosome for the other.) They generally look alike. Fine physical details such as fingerprints will differ. As they mature, identical twins often become less alike because of lifestyle choices or external influences. Genetically speaking, the children of identical twins are half-siblings rather than cousins.

Studies have shown that identical twins reared in different environments share similar personality traits, mannerisms, job choices, attitudes, and interests. These findings add to the belief that many behaviors are derived from genes.

I hope life blesses me with fraternal twins.

One like daddy and one like mommy.

No pain, No gain

Every achievement involves effort and sacrifice. No pain, no gain is a common motivational punchline used by many trainers.

Ironically, one of the most painful things I've seen and experienced is a beauty regime. Starting with strange looking turbans to straighten wavy hair, undergoing stinky perms and relaxing chemicals, removing body hair with hot wax, amoung other strange rituals. This excludes strict diets and time invested in the gym.

I consider myself one of the few that doesn't do all those things. I've learned to live with my wavy, bushy Hermione Granger hair. I seldom straighten it with a flat iron, only for special events or when I'm feeling flirty. What I can't do without are my colored contacts or my blue black dye for my hair.

Six months ago I began using a corset to help improve my posture and my S shaped back, As I've been losing weight, I've gotten the corset adgusted. It always gets reduced 3 or 4 cms from my real measurements. This helps my back to be straight and keeps my tummy tucked.

During my usual adjustment, one of the girls that does the fixing wanted a Starbucks coffee. I told them there was a new one closer to where we were. Since I didn't know exactly were, I got threatened that I'd get a bigger adjustment because I didn't have comple info.

The moment we were going to zip the corset up, we couldn't. I almost thought they were going to have to losen it up a bit. The other girl was called in. It was three against the corset. As we began closing the corset, the both were telling me how pretty I was going to look. Assuring me that all the sacrifice was worth it.

Suddenly, the motivational comment "You're gonna look like Barbie" is misinterpreted and transformed into "You're gonna look like Barney". The three of us laughed our ass off and finished zipping the corset.

Something as simple as breathing hurts.Yet looking at my reflexion in the mirror reminds me that every single adjustment is worth it.

I don't need intensive torment. The 45 pounds I've lost arethanks to every single adjustment I've had.

So, I lied

I had a party Saturday night. Nothing too complicated. A get together to celebrated a belated promotion. I wore my Durmstrang t-shirt and some jeans.

The moment I got there, my bottle of Boone's was placed in my hand. We started talking and remembering the old days. Suddenly secrets began to be shared. The compliments about my notorious weight loss were made. The changes in my personal appearance such as the contact lenses and straight hair were noticed.

Mainly, because these were people that hadn't seen me in aproximately four months. X, a friend that unfortunately got fired back in April/May was making the compliments and asking questions. Suddenly,the inevitable question arose.

X: So, are you dating someone?
V: No, but there's someone known as the "imperfect".
X: And who might this "imperfect" be?
V: None of your business. All you need to know is that he isn't perfect.

The conversation continued. We focused on talking about our professional lives or what remains of them. Clearing up old rumors and gossip.

X: So, is J (the imperfect's real name) the imperfect?

I remain silent and turn to see a friend that knows my secret. I choke on my drink and threaten X with the bottle.

V: Of course he's imperfect. He can't be perfect because he never asked me out.

I changed the subject, but I got extremely nervous. A couple of minutes later I left the party. Before I left, X asked again to know the imperfect's real identity. I said that one day he would know.

It makes me wonder. Were there really feelings and attraction involved long before we decided to admit it? Were we acting dumb? Were we pretending to be mature and see beyond attraction? Was this simply meant to be?

I wish it is.

So long September

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Farewell to the ninth month of the year. A month in which many changes occured. It was the first month that I didn't see my love. My sisters are grounded, one by her husband and the other by her parents. I was demotivated and quit my job.

I got my contacts back and I'm still losing weight. Mom is successfully recovering from surgery. Had a couple of family issues, but they are under control.

So long September and your evening showers. Hello October and your beautiful moons.

I hope I can see a beautiful full mooon with you.

Infinite sadness

I honestly don't know what's gotten into me. I can be all jumpy and happy, but then I switch into this gloomy mood. I want to cry and scream that I'm very upset. That perhaps I'm not the kind of girl that a guy would fight for.

I'm not pretty, nor model thin. I don't have blonde straight hair. I don't come from a rich family. Are those the reasons why guys don't turn to see me? I honestly don't stand out in a crowd.

I know I have a couple of good things. Maybe it's not enough. Should I change? Shall I launch myself in another market? Should I have patience for prince charming to find his way?

I don't know what I want. I know who I want though. I try very hard to be patient, but I don't know if things will work out the way I wish they would.

I'm sad, because I miss him. Because he's so caught up in his things that he doesn't even have time for himself, let alone me. I'm upset because I'm starting to believe that he lied to me. It breaks my heart that someone could rip apart trust just to get awaywith murder.

I don't want to believe that, but he's leaving me no choice. To this day, after almost 4 months of everything, I still love him.

With what's left of my heart and my entire soul.

Mellowing down

September is almost over. Time flies when you're having fun, or so they say. I've been very busy. I've made too many desicions without even having a chance to sit down and think them over. I quit my job, because I was very demotivated. Then they said they weren't going to invest in communication. It was more than over.

I've been head of my household for the last weeks. Not a simple task. I've always admired my mom for being able to manage the house, a husband, two daughters, three cats and other random pets. Plus she was head of the Sunday school thingie.

I've learned to cook. Not a lot of things, but I can make a pretty mean rice and chicken soup. I haven't had time to think about the love of my life. The only thing I am fully aware of is that I still have very strong feelings for him. There are moments when I want to give up. I fall into the conclusion that the fight isn't worth it, then I pick myself up. My life is worth every tear or drop of blood I shed for him.

It's not easy, but I'm glad September is almost over.

And I didn't see you this month.